Well, I'm at the end of a very lovely Mother's Day. My family treated me to breakfast and surprised me with some gifts. PJ, my dear husband, picked them out. They were an Eva Cassidy CD (love her music), and two early Bette Davis movies, both favorites of mine, Dark Victory and Now Voyager. I also have a promise for Season 7 of the Gilmore Girls. Yay!
For the afternoon, I just puttered around the house from one little project to the next. Called my Grandma to wish her a Happy Day. We had a nice conversation. I'm looking forward to visiting her at the assisted living home tomorrow. She cared for me, raised me, prayed over me most of my life. Now that she's nearing 90 years old, at the end of this month, I find she is still a source of great blessing. She has days that aren't so good, with her memory and health failing. Then, there are those days like today. A few minutes of great conversation, where she knows who I am and asks about PJ and the boys. Reminds me that she loves me and is praying for me.
My Grandma has always been a powerful woman of prayer. Five years ago as I sat by my mother's side, knowing her time was nearly done in this life, I felt like I was at rock bottom. The doctor had told me there was no coming back, but it might take several days. I knew she was suffering from the cancer. I had prayed with her and talked to her, even as she lay there unresponsive. I knelt by the bed and told her it was ok for her to go. That I didn't want it, but I knew it was for the best and that we'd all be ok. She focused on me with those intense brown eyes of hers and I knew she was present with me for a moment. Then she was gone again.
I waited and watched and prayed. I knew I could not keep this up for "days", so I phoned Grandma and told her what was happening. I asked her to pray, with me, for my mother to be released to go home to her heavenly Father. She said, I'm hanging up right now and I am going to pray. That was at 5:00 pm. At 5:10, Mom drew her last breath and exhaled, and as she did I felt her life force leave her body. It was agony, it was horrible, and it was beautiful. God had heard the prayer of my Grandmother. I knew, that with the wisdom of her years, she had been able to pray with the sincerity that I had not been able to. And, when I called her back to tell her, she said, "You'll be alright" as she cried with me. I have been so blessed by both of the mothers in my life. My Mom and my Grandma. So blessed.
I am also blessed by my two sons. They are shining bright lights in my life. I cannot even begin to express what they mean to me. I was told I might never have children, but God intervened. I have much to be thankful for. I have tried to be a good mother. I know I could have done better. I hope I have given them enough to equip them for all life may bring. I've tried to pass on my love of God, of family, of church, and country; of learning, and reading, and games; of music and laughter and love; and of never giving up or giving in.
I feel very blessed and very loved. It's been a Happy Mother's Day even though it officially ended about midway through this post.
This quote sounded like me...
"I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves." -Anna Quindlen