Friday, November 13, 2009

Sleeplessness, Regrets, Faith

Another sleepless night has almost passed. Often during these times, I look back at unfinished ideas, unachieved dreams. There is only sadness in regret, so I try to justify the whys.

  • Why didn't I spend more time with my family
  • Why did I neglect my friends until it was too late to make a difference
  • Why am I the last to know when people are using me... making a fool of me
  • Why do I let despair wash over me
  • Why are there so many wonderful ideas in my head, but no energy to bring them to life
  • Why do the words escape me when my heart knows what I want to say
  • Why did I let other peoples opinions of me matter so much
  • Why haven't I completed one of my books
  • Why are the words piled up in the corners of my mind instead of being put on paper
  • Why isn't it enough to just be
  • Why can't I let go of the past

Wow! Just think what a total wreck I'd be if I didn't have God in my life. Such soul baring words leave me vulnerable to criticism from people that may not understand. That's ok. I am so much better at taking criticism. Maybe age has mellowed me. All I know is I need to write, I need to create, I want to shout out loud until I can hear myself above all the other voices in my head.

Myself

Imperfect, Vulnerable, Wounded, Failing

Reaching, Praying, Healing, Rising, Soaring

There are no boundaries if I believe in myself

If I believe in God, and I do

Faith sustains me

Copyright 11/13/09 ajj

4 comments:

Silver Valley Girl said...

What a beautiful post, just like you, and one I can truly relate to, my kindred spirit!!

Such a praise regarding Evan. Yeah!!

Donna said...

The Only thing Stopping you...is You. I Know that will change...Now GET IN THERE AND WRITE!!!Hahaaaa...(((HUG)))

DarLie*~ said...

Such a great post. I can certainly relate. Life is a journey speckled with pain. Hold fast. You bring wonderful things to the table of life and your blog is an inspiration to me.
Darlie

Nita Jo said...

SVG, I knew you'd "get it" my dear kindred spirit! I want to come visit you so much... one of these days! And yes, it is a huge Praise for Evan! He'll still have some hurdles to cross, but you know how much it means to me to have the cancer scare gone. I don't think I could have born it...
Love you!

Donna, You are so sweet, and so inspiring to me. I will get busy and write, write, write! And, I actually got some organizing done yesterday. Was the best I'd felt in a while! Maybe it was that beautiful birthday card that did it! HUGS!

DarLie, I'm so glad to hear from you! It's been a while. I hope my writing continues to inspire you. It's hard to know how folks will react, as I share the bad right along with the good! Sending you a big HUG!