The New Year is nearly upon me. I am always surprised by how fast the old year went by. My days seem to run together... where did they go?
My mind travels in strange patterns this time of the year. I find myself missing those who have journeyed on from this life to the next. I allow myself to feel regret at what was, what wasn't, and what will never be. A life not lived to the fullest, feels like a life not lived at all. Night dreams have been haunting me with hopes just out of reach... roads not taken... and roads I wish I'd never taken. There is a sorrow in saying goodbye to the past that leaves an ache in my throat and in my heart. Fighting to hold back tears I sit with it for a time, that burning ache, and then I let it go.
Memories will revisit me again, but for now I lay the past down. I gaze toward the future, but it is unclear, hazy, hidden in clouds of uncertainty. The best thing, the only thing, is to live this day. This beautiful day full of hope and promise. When I am in the moment, there is no room for doubt, regret, or fear. There is just thankfulness for everything I see. Family, friends, and a beautiful world which, on this morning, is covered in a blanket of freshly fallen snow.
As I leave you to go make myself a cup of hot tea, I hope you are releasing the old... not fretting over tomorrow... but living this moment, with your whole heart.
Copyright 12/30/2009 ajj