Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sunday Scribblings - Invisible

Time for another Sunday Scribblings!  Below is my submission for this week's prompt, Invisible.  Again, it's a short piece of fiction.  Hope you enjoy reading it.  To see my previous submissions, go to My Sunday Scribblings...


She sat in the bedroom, writing her heart out onto the paper.   We live in the same house, but you don't see me.  Even when I speak, your eyes never really connect with mine anymore.  Am I invisible?  When did I disappear from your radar?  I remember the early days of love.  We couldn't look deep enough, or long enough into each others eyes.  We were in perfect sync, even when we were physically apart.  How does time change that?  Is it something I did, or did I just change so much, over time, that you don't know me anymore?  Do you even want to know me?

As the words poured out tears began to fall, smearing the ink until the words were unreadable.  She quickly wiped her face.  He popped his head into the doorway.  "Whatcha doin?"  "Oh just making some notes." she replied.  "Ok.  Well, I'm heading out for a while."  "Have fun." and she meant it, even though he never really heard it, because he could no longer hear what he could not see.


copyright 01/16/11 ajj

16 comments:

Deborah said...

BRILLIANTLY written! you captured 'this' perfectly, so well done!

Sally said...

I love it. That could easily be the first lines in a book. :)

Donna said...

GoodNESS! I think lots of us have felt this!!
I'm with Sally! Great opener!!
hughugs

Giggles said...

Oh boy I lived this for too many years before divorce! Well written, enjoyable read!

Hugs Giggles

Abigail Bunting said...

'he could no longer hear what he could not see'
Very true- resonating and profound!
"On Paper Wings"

oldegg said...

I praise the piece of writing but have a little niggle that the estrangement is not all one sided. He says he going out for while, so she can jump up and say "Let's go together, like we used to." Or if there is more to it, how about "What do you think of this piece I just scribbled down."

Is she invisible because she is wearing her invisibility cloak?

Susannah said...

This is a wonderful piece of writing. You captured so much. I really enjoyed reading. :-)

Nita Jo said...

I want to thank each of you for your kind comments! It's always nice when folks appreciate the work.

To oldegg... I just want to say, this is a piece of fiction. Of course there can be two sides, but then this would not be my story... it would be yours. There is unspoken history in this short piece that may surface in future work. I do appreciate your thoughts.

WarmSunshine said...

An enjoyable read. Sad though. But you gripped the reader well in this :) Thanks for posting!

Dropping by from SS :)

Catherine Denton said...

Wow! You described the pain of being unseen in such beautiful prose. Heartbreaking.

booguloo said...

A nice write, but a sad story.

flaubert said...

A heartbreaking, beautiful piece.
Pamela

Lydia said...

What a scene! And one that is way too common, unfortunately. This would be great framed on a marriage counselor's waiting room wall...

lightverse said...

How sad, and how often this seems to happen. Sometimes, words need to be said aloud - and we need to listen as well as hear, Well done!

ms pie said...

how does love grow cold??!!.... a well spoken story of sorrow... how does one speak out loud, i hurt pls see me...

Dee Martin said...

interested in seeing more surface...backstory and what happens next :)
great slice of life..