Belated Thank you notes... and Visiting Grandma

Susie of  From My Home To Yours  hosted a Give Away last fall for this vintage copy of "The Susie Book" and I was the winner.  To go right to the October Give Away Post click HERE! To make things easier, I will call this Susie, "Blogger Susie", and my Susie, "Pastor Susie" (fitting because she is one of my pastors).  The contest was to celebrate Blogger Susie's birthday.  She asked each person to write about a Susie they knew, and why we thought this book should be passed to our Susie.

It took this long to post a "Thank You" because I hadn't given the book Pastor Susie yet, and I knew that she occasionally read my blog.  I didn't want to spoil the surprise.  I intended it for Christmas, but I was laid up and unable to drive.  Next plan was for her birthday... still unable to drive, so after this long story... today was the day!  I was able to get out of the house for a couple of hours.  It felt so good to drive again.  I dropped in on Pastor Susie at her office and finally gave her the book.  It was fun to win, but even more fun to pass the book along to Pastor Susie!

I just want to thank Blogger Susie for hosting the Give Away.  Take some time to visit her beautiful blog.  She has a lot of fun decorating ideas, and loves antiques and gardening. 

My friend, Donna of Cottage Days and Journeys hosted her Give Away to celebrate her two-year blogging anniversary.  To read Donna's post go HERE.  The prize was a lovely polymer clay pen, shown below with my dream journal and notebook.  I love the swirly purple and green colors, and it writes beautifully.  The pen was made by Jackie of The Pleasant Pheasant.  To see Jackie's other creations, visit her Etsy shop HERE. 

I hope you'll take a moment to visit Donna's blog HERE.  She writes about her life, her travels, and shares her talent in photography.  It's always a pleasure to sit down and visit there for a while.

The other blessing of getting out of the house was getting to visit my Grandma.  I hadn't gotten to see her since November.  I had tried talking with her over the telephone a couple of times, but she doesn't do well on the phone anymore.  I'm always amazed, and so blessed, to find that she still knows me.  Her memory comes and goes, but as soon as I said "Hi Grandma" she reached for a hug and said "There's my girl."  She was sitting up in her wheelchair at the dining table.  It was about 30 minutes till dinner and the staff was starting to get everyone seated.  As I sat there and took her hand, she took hold with both of hers.  

It's not always easy when a loved one begins to lose their memory.  You never know from one visit to the next what they will remember.  There were several times when she faded a bit and didn't respond, so we just sat.  She laughed a little when I asked her to sing me a song.  Whenever I hear Mahalia Jackson sing, it reminds me of my Grandma singing.  That's why I keep a couple of her songs on my playlist.  I grew up hearing Grandma singing.  She had a very low alto, almost tenor voice.  She taught me to harmonize.  We used to do duets together... that seems so long ago now.  Beautiful, precious memories that I treasure.  I have been so blessed in my life.

Copyright February 02, 2010 ajj

Sunday Scribblings - Milestone

Reaching 2010 is a milestone... a marker in my journey.  I've been looking back over the past 10 years.  They have been years of change... there has been fear, joy, sadness, faith, loss, miracles.  I want to share about some.

Ten years ago, the year 2000.  Life was pretty good... then in June came the news that I'd both feared and expected.  "You have Multiple Sclerosis."  My mom and I sat without speaking for a moment.  I asked the usual questions. What is the next step?  How bad will this get?  Are there treatments?  The neurologist went through everything step by step... yearly MRI's, injections, the exacerbations, possible results; blindness, loss of kidney and bowel function, becoming paralyzed, loss of mental acuity, the list went on.  While we sat and listened, I held the terror inside.  I know my mom did too.  We made plans for the next visit, politely said our goodbyes and headed for the car.  Somewhere in the lobby I felt my breath catch in my throat, mom reached for my hand and the tears came.  Not the loud sobbing kind.  The quietly streaming tears, pain in the chest and throat, unable to take a breath or to speak kind.  "It will be ok." mom said through her own tears.  That was the beginning.  There were more trials to come.  More losses.

A lot of what happened in the past 10 years is a blank page to me.  I don't really know if it was due to the MS affecting my concentration, or if it was a signal that the stress had gotten to be too much. 

Illness and loss are things so many families deal with.  I bounced back and forth from being plagued with fear and "what ifs" to being in a place of complete faith and peace.  Right now, I am listening to Mahalia Jackson singing "Take My Hand Precious Lord".  As always, I am struck by how much her singing reminds me of my Grandmother's singing.  It's one of those small things that lift my spirit.

I am now on a search for the missing memories of the last 10 years.  I've been combing photographs and letters.  I'm finding the joyful moments that had somehow faded into obsolescence for me.  In ten years, there were heartaches, but there was also great joy.  Even as I look at my journey with MS, I see hope.  There was a point where I had to be helped to stand.  The dizziness and muscle spasms required me to use a walker.  I progressed from the walker to a cane, and then one day I was able to lay the cane aside.  Recently, a few symptoms have returned which require some use of the cane again, but still I rejoice.  I am nowhere near as disabled as was predicted.  Some of the "white spots" on my brain disappeared and the newer ones were very small.  I know some of this is medicine, but I believe that much of it was due to faith and prayer.

As I reach my ten year milestone in June, I will remind myself that loss is part of living.  I will remember the joys I was privileged to share.  My focus is on living each day.  When I do look toward the future, I do it with eyes of faith and it looks bright.





Copyright February 01, 2010 ajj

Good Morning!

It's 3:06 AM... I know, I know... I should be sleeping.  I decided to do a "quick" February update on my blog.  It's taken a lot longer than I anticipated, and it's still not quite what I wanted.  I'll try again later on.  For now, it's time for a nap!