When Life Gets Complicated...

I'm sharing another draft post. This one was written on May 22, 2018 at 2:01 AM. I still find myself awake in the wee hours of the morning, mulling over the issues and concerns of life. When I read this old draft, I was struck by the fact that I'm still working on these things. Yes, I have gotten stronger. I have found a clearer direction in many aspects of life, but there is still room for improvement. I hope reading this might encourage or inspire you. This is what I wrote back in 2018.

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When things in my life get complicated, and the news of the world gets overwhelming, I recognize I need a place to retreat to. Sharing what's happening with my family or my health issues comes too easily at times. It's not the worst thing to share our pain or frustrations with others to get their feedback and support. We need one another. It has simply become clear to me, I need to step back and find my center again. That's what I've been doing in my absences from writing and blogging. Searching for my center, for spirit and soul edification.

I'll be the first to admit, I've got miles to go. In my imagination, I believed by this stage of life I would be so confident, standing strong in my power. There are days I wonder when and where I got off track. The thing is, I've come to believe I am following the exact path I was intended to walk. Every step along the way, every painful or frustrating situation, has brought new insight with it. It's not always easy to see growth because it comes in stages and over time. Picture the oak and it's beginnings with just a small acorn. Over the passing years, stature increases and roots push deeper. We don't witness the daily changes, but one day we realize how strong that oak has become. How tall and proud and resilient.

My stature may not be that of a great oak, but my heart and soul are stronger today than ever before. Even when the journey seems rocky and difficult, we are experiencing growth and change.

© 03FEB2022 ajjahner

Visitation...

Today is my mom's birthday. I miss her most days, but even more on special days like today, because we usually spent time together celebrating.

An old, faded Polaroid of my mom, back in the 6o's. She was so pretty!

Those who don't believe in spirit visitation may want to stop reading now...

I was trying to get myself ready to go to church service, even though I didn't feel well. It's what my mom would have done. It didn't happen. Then I heard steps coming down the hallway, but all the doors were closed and nobody was in sight. Must be mom, I thought to myself, with a smile. Instead of pushing myself to go, I picked up my Bible, which belonged to my mother before it was mine.  There are still some notes she wrote during church services tucked inside it. I read a few scriptures she had notated. I thought about Biblical rules versus grace. Many things in my life have evolved over the years. My faith in God is still as strong, but I have less tolerance for extreme views and for condemnation of others. I believe in leaving judgement to God, living the best I know how, and loving others as unconditionally as my human mind can manage to do.

As I sat thinking about what I've been taught over the years. I thought about the mind-set many Christians have towards those who don't share their exact point of view. I said to myself, "I refuse to be mean and unforgiving." Suddenly the three-way light across the room, clicked and turned up a notch. For a moment the room was flooded with an extra bright light, then it went back to normal. I felt my mom in the room. My mom, who loved people and refused to judge them or their life choices. Mom, who taught me to love even the unloveable. All the way from stray cats and dogs, to homeless people on the streets, to those who were defined by others as sinners. No one was beyond deserving her love and understanding. There was never a "lost cause" anywhere she looked. Just love and forgiveness. That doesn't mean she wasn't tried on occasion. It doesn't mean it was always easy. It means she took the effort to love, to set aside anger and judgement, and to extend herself beyond what our human nature often does. She offered a smile and a hand up! I learned some of my best lessons from my mother. I was truly blessed to have her in my life, and I am still being blessed! Happy Birthday, mom!

© 22Mar2015 ajj

Intentions for the New Year...

My cousin created a list of resolutions on her blog, found Here, which are similar to some of my own goals. I wanted to share Laurie's with you, because it inspired me to put mine in writing, which I had not intended to do. Maybe it will inspire you as well.

Too often, resolutions fall by the wayside. After a slip or two, the goal seems insurmountable. One of my former supervisor's gave me a tiny pebble when we were facing a huge project. It was a reminder to approach a mountain of work, one little piece at a time. That is how I'm approaching this year, a pebble at a time, being thankful for what I do accomplish, and remembering my joy is also in the journey, not just the destination.

My focus is on:

Health - Making better food choices. Exercise daily. Listen to my body and rest when needed. Don't be afraid to make changes.

Spirit - Pray with thanksgiving. Sing. Laugh. Love. Forgive. Be generous.

Soul and Mind - Write daily. Read more. Make time for family and friends. Learn something new. Tap into my creativity. Be true to myself. Be inspired!

It sounds like a lot, but many of the things listed are what I have already been working on. I want to continue improving, learning and growing. There is no downside to making these resolutions, because failure is also a learning experience. I'm ready to greet 2015! It's going to be an amazing year! Believe it!


© 31Dec2014 ajj