Yes, I'm Still Here...

Where are all my old blogging buddies? I'm guessing life has taken you all in different directions, just like it has done to me. 

Life is getting better. PJ and I are adjusting to his retirement and enjoying our time together. We both have bothersome little health issues, but nothing too terrible. Though it took a while to recover from the heart surgery, I'm keeping my blood pressure, etc. under control. I've even convinced my husband to start eating more veggies! He's started cooking some of our meals and has made a couple fantastic vegetarian dishes. 

Between Covid-19, fires all over the west, earthquakes in my state, hurricanes in the southeast, and politics (I'll keep my liberal thoughts to myself, at least for now. Haha!), I think we could all use some good news. Best I can offer is never give up believing things will get better. Keep the peace with your friends and neighbors. Reach out to those in need, if you can. We will get through all of this if we continue to be kind to one another, and by God's grace and mercy.

In the meantime, do something that brings you joy. Read a great book, watch a favorite movie, pull out the board games, take up a new hobby, write a letter to an old friend... 

Look for the laughter and you will find it. Wishing you peace and love.

Facing Down the Darkness...

This morning, I was reading April Lee's blog post, thought it would go gracefully, where she explores the emotions of dwelling in a dark place. She asked the question, do you face down your dark side now and then. After thinking about it, the following was my response.

"I entered a psychological "new country" about 18 years ago, with the loss of a brother and a bad medical diagnosis, both for me and later one for my mom. It was hard to push back against the darkness, and many days I failed. For me, it's often a battle to look for those pockets of light rather than just giving in to the darkness. There is always light and hope even when I can't see it. Sometimes I have to force myself out of my emotional blanket fort and allow myself to see all the joy and possibilities that are right in front of me."

Come out of the blanket fort and enjoy the light.
Photo credit: Creative Commons use from Pixabay.com

It felt good to think about where I'd been and the struggles I've had against emotional darkness, and realizing I keep coming back out of it. I'm not saying it's easy, it's a continual process for some of us, but it's worth the effort to come out of the blanket fort, allow my eyes to adjust to the light, and realize how wonderful life is no matter what difficulties have come against me. Retreating from life is fine for a time, it can be healing, but we aren't meant to hide away indefinitely. There is a lot of life to be lived and so much to be grateful for.

© 23AUG2018 ajjahner

Release...

Sometimes writing about darkness, releases light back into my life. In the wee hours of this day, I wrote about darkness and depression. After I finished, I finally dropped into a deep sleep about 4 a.m. and woke again at 8. The day feels different. Better. I still need more sleep, so a nap is on my agenda for the afternoon, but spilling all my dark thoughts was therapeutic.

My first impulse, when I woke, was to delete my Dark-thirty piece and the Facebook post where I shared it. I've done that before, but I'm not going to this time. Life isn't always perfect. People have moments of darkness, despair, grief. There are so many people struggling with different levels of mental illness and depression. I believe those struggles shouldn't be hidden. Shine a light into any place of darkness and perhaps it will permanently dispel that darkness. Even if it's not permanent, light for any amount of time is comforting and healing to the spirit and to the soul. It brings release from the darkness. It brings hope.

"... I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16 KJV

© 16Mar2015 ajj

Remembering Grandpa

Sending birthday greetings heavenwards, to my grandpa!  He was born 100 years ago today!  I'm sitting here on this snowy morning, sipping a cup of hot coffee, and reflecting on my years with my grandpa.  What a sweet, amazing man he was.  He made such a difference in my life.

I stayed with my grandparents off and on from the day I was born, then permanently when I was just 8 years old.  I'm not going to write a long story about him, just a few descriptive words...

• grandpa, father
• minister, man of tremendous faith, believed in the power of prayer
• loved his family, proud of every new addition to it
• loved me unconditionally 
• looked for the best in people 
• taught me to be generous
• sang in his beautifully off-key voice with joy 
• loved to laugh, and his laughter was contagious
• loved nature, gardening, birds
• always made time for people
• dressed well, even when spending the day at home
• had beautiful handwriting
• loved words and learning
• remembered your name...

I always expected grandpa would live well beyond his 100th birthday.  He loved life, and this beautiful world we live in.  He had a vision for a better, more peaceful world.  I still carry the same hope in my heart.  

Wishing each of you joy and hope.  

Wishing grandpa a very Happy Birthday.  I will always remember...

More Watching and Waiting...

My last post was about needing hope and courage in the face of life's storms.  While I continue to battle the waves of my own storm, there are so many others out there also trying to stay afloat. 

If you have an extra moment today, say a prayer for Gabriel's Heart.  You can read about baby Gabriel and his family Here.  Pray for his sweet momma too, for strength and for continued peace.

April Is The Cruelest Month...

I just read a post by Inland Empire Girl.  It was on the loss and hope that April brings.  I couldn't help but remember that April brought loss to my life, more than once.  It has often felt cruel. It's a month tinged with sadness along with the joy of the coming warmth and beauty. 

It was always puzzling to me why someone would "go" just when the promise of springtime had arrived.  Perhaps they could see a much brighter "springtime" with their spirit eyes.  For some, I know it was not a choice.  That made it harder... sitting on the steps, missing a sweet friend, and hearing the songbirds continue to sing.  I can only hope as those dear ones left this life for the next, they were accompanied by anthems of hope... starting with the songbirds and ending with them being greeted by a Heavenly chorus. 

May April bring you hope for brighter days...

Reflections on Life

The New Year is nearly upon me.  I am always surprised by how fast the old year went by.  My days seem to run together... where did they go? 

My mind travels in strange patterns this time of the year.  I find myself missing those who have journeyed on from this life to the next.  I allow myself to feel regret at what was, what wasn't, and what will never be.  A life not lived to the fullest, feels like a life not lived at all.  Night dreams have been haunting me with hopes just out of reach... roads not taken... and roads I wish I'd never taken.  There is a sorrow in saying goodbye to the past that leaves an ache in my throat and in my heart.  Fighting to hold back tears I sit with it for a time, that burning ache, and then I let it go. 

Memories will revisit me again, but for now I lay the past down.  I gaze toward the future, but it is unclear, hazy, hidden in clouds of uncertainty.  The best thing, the only thing, is to live this day.  This beautiful day full of hope and promise.  When I am in the moment, there is no room for doubt, regret, or fear.  There is just thankfulness for everything I see.  Family, friends, and a beautiful world which, on this morning, is covered in a blanket of freshly fallen snow. 

As I leave you to go make myself a cup of hot tea, I hope you are releasing the old... not fretting over tomorrow... but living this moment, with your whole heart.



Copyright 12/30/2009 ajj

Faith over Fear

In honor of Faith and of Angels, I am posting these two Free Images for you to copy. If you click on the image, it should enlarge so you can save it to your files. I know one says Easter Greeting, but she was so cute I didn't want to leave her out.

I've just been thinking about how blessed I am. No matter what the trial, I feel like angels are watching over me. That's not to say I have an easy life, it's just that my faith keeps me on firm footing.

I want to be resilient when fear tries to wash over me. It's work for me to look at the glass as half full... I'm naturally geared to seeing the worst case scenario and trying to imagine how I could get myself out of that one. For example, I saw a little boy on the news today. He was from Tennessee and had been attacked by a bear during a family camping trip. I knew exactly how he felt when he said something along the line of, "I told my dad a bear would get us." Then he kind of rolled his eyes up toward dad like "I told you so." It made me smile. I hope the experience doen't cause him to carry fear with him, but that surviving it will give him strength and faith.

I'm the "girl" who was always afraid of the dark, wild animals, boogie men, etc. Lions and Tigers and Bears.... Oh MY! I was really afraid of the flying monkees and the wicked witch! I just knew at any given moment I could be killed in a car, my plane would crash, I'd be robbed, my house would burn down (in my own defense, I had many near misses which may have fed the fear... I may share one or two on another day).

Sometimes I was right to be afraid, but to be wary doesn't mean to live in the fear. Even as an adult, I often have to "have a talk" with myself. "Have faith... don't be so negative... pray... believe... hope... and have peace". I doubt I'm the only one out there. So to all you "half empties"...

Take Peace, Hold Hope In Your Heart, Trust God, Have Faith...


Blessings,
Nita Jo