Today is my Lil Sis's birthday!
She's the dark haired beauty in the "Back Country" T-shirt.
The other lovely lady is her friend in Scotland.
Happy Birthday Sis!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sunday Scribblings - Regrets
This weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt: #148 -- Regrets
Got any? Things you wish you'd done differently? Things you wish you'd said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don't end up with regrets?
Regrets. I have too many to mention. Don't we all? I think the most important thing about regret is to learn from it.
Years ago I had a young friend, a cousin. We enjoyed talking about movies and music. Her older sister was married and my younger sister was dating, so we began to hang out together. She was such a kindred heart to mine.
One Wednesday evening, she had dropped by my place for a visit. We shared coffee, made plans to see a movie, listened to record albums, talked about our dreams, and laughed...
As she left my house, and disappeared from view, I had the strangest urge to run after her and give her a hug. I was not a hugger! So I called out, "Where are you going?" She answered, "My car is parked on the side street. I'll see you Friday night!" "Okay," I replied, "See you then." I went back inside trying to shake that strange impulse.
Friday afternoon her life was taken from her. How I wanted that moment back! Just to hug her and tell her what she had meant to me. Such devastating, painful regret! I had never felt anything like it.
In the days and weeks that followed it ate away at me. Then I made a decision... I would not let a day go by without letting the people I loved, know that I loved them. This was very hard for me. I had learned to protect myself by keeping many things inside.
Over time, I became a different person. It became easier to set my insecurities aside and be more giving. I learned to reach out with a hug, a handshake, a smile. This wasn't easy and still isn't some days. I tend to want to withdraw into myself. I learned a hard lesson in one devastating moment of regret, and it has stayed with me.
I like to think, that somehow, she knows she touched my life with her sweet spirit and her laughter.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Got any? Things you wish you'd done differently? Things you wish you'd said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don't end up with regrets?
Regrets. I have too many to mention. Don't we all? I think the most important thing about regret is to learn from it.
Years ago I had a young friend, a cousin. We enjoyed talking about movies and music. Her older sister was married and my younger sister was dating, so we began to hang out together. She was such a kindred heart to mine.
One Wednesday evening, she had dropped by my place for a visit. We shared coffee, made plans to see a movie, listened to record albums, talked about our dreams, and laughed...
As she left my house, and disappeared from view, I had the strangest urge to run after her and give her a hug. I was not a hugger! So I called out, "Where are you going?" She answered, "My car is parked on the side street. I'll see you Friday night!" "Okay," I replied, "See you then." I went back inside trying to shake that strange impulse.
Friday afternoon her life was taken from her. How I wanted that moment back! Just to hug her and tell her what she had meant to me. Such devastating, painful regret! I had never felt anything like it.
In the days and weeks that followed it ate away at me. Then I made a decision... I would not let a day go by without letting the people I loved, know that I loved them. This was very hard for me. I had learned to protect myself by keeping many things inside.
Over time, I became a different person. It became easier to set my insecurities aside and be more giving. I learned to reach out with a hug, a handshake, a smile. This wasn't easy and still isn't some days. I tend to want to withdraw into myself. I learned a hard lesson in one devastating moment of regret, and it has stayed with me.
I like to think, that somehow, she knows she touched my life with her sweet spirit and her laughter.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday Scribblings - Phantoms & Shadows
#147 -- Phantoms & Shadows is the prompt for this weeks Sunday Scribblings.
Things and people, times, places, events and how your memory has treated them. Are there people you try to remember more clearly, phantoms you'd like to reach back into the past and take a firm hold of? What do you remember of your early school years? College years? Your grandparents? First pets, first houses, first friends? Do you have a good or poor memory? If you could go back to any particular time/place to recall more vividly what it was like, what would that be?
Here is my response to the prompt:
Memories. They come flooding in like a heavy rain. Laughing with my little brother. Squeezing Mom's arm (our version of a hug). Living out back yard adventures with my little sis.
Digging bare toes into the dusty ditchbank. Dropping to my knees to watch the water skippers. Caught one! It looked huge in my small hand. I gently let it drop back into the water and it glides smoothly away across the surface. "Come wash up for dinner!" Grandma calls to me from the back door.
We sit. Grandpa says the blessing. I listen as they talk about the day. Sis keeps kicking my leg under the table and I'd like to smack her a good one, but I know the penalty is too high. Instead I give her the "you'd better stop it right now or else" look. She just grins. It's hard to be mad at a face like that.
The back yard is warm and breezy. Grandma sits in the white metal lawn chair. Sis crawls on her lap with a book. "Wead this to me Gwamma." It's "I Like Kindergarten" and I listen as I search in the thick lawn for a four leaf clover. I found one once. I keep it pressed in my Bible.
As the sun begins to set, the moonflowers start to open. I watch with fascination as they turn from bud to bloom. Yellow, like a summer moon. I can smell the sweetness of the copper roses in the air.
Memories come and go. I must remember to put them to paper while they are here. Too quickly they fade into the distance and are forgotten.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Things and people, times, places, events and how your memory has treated them. Are there people you try to remember more clearly, phantoms you'd like to reach back into the past and take a firm hold of? What do you remember of your early school years? College years? Your grandparents? First pets, first houses, first friends? Do you have a good or poor memory? If you could go back to any particular time/place to recall more vividly what it was like, what would that be?
Here is my response to the prompt:
Memories. They come flooding in like a heavy rain. Laughing with my little brother. Squeezing Mom's arm (our version of a hug). Living out back yard adventures with my little sis.
Digging bare toes into the dusty ditchbank. Dropping to my knees to watch the water skippers. Caught one! It looked huge in my small hand. I gently let it drop back into the water and it glides smoothly away across the surface. "Come wash up for dinner!" Grandma calls to me from the back door.
We sit. Grandpa says the blessing. I listen as they talk about the day. Sis keeps kicking my leg under the table and I'd like to smack her a good one, but I know the penalty is too high. Instead I give her the "you'd better stop it right now or else" look. She just grins. It's hard to be mad at a face like that.
The back yard is warm and breezy. Grandma sits in the white metal lawn chair. Sis crawls on her lap with a book. "Wead this to me Gwamma." It's "I Like Kindergarten" and I listen as I search in the thick lawn for a four leaf clover. I found one once. I keep it pressed in my Bible.
As the sun begins to set, the moonflowers start to open. I watch with fascination as they turn from bud to bloom. Yellow, like a summer moon. I can smell the sweetness of the copper roses in the air.
Memories come and go. I must remember to put them to paper while they are here. Too quickly they fade into the distance and are forgotten.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Mental Fog...
Raymond Pert of Kellogg Bloggin' wrote about fog (January 29th post). I tried to leave a comment, but my browser is blocking me AGAIN! (sorry about yelling)
This is a great explanation of mental "fog" that explains what I go through. Mine may complicated with the MS "fog" (and my friends tell me it's also age). All I know is that I have it, and it's miserable to deal with. It's a juggling game... what meds cause depression, what meds help, what side affects are bearable, reduce this one, increase that one.
And no... I am not sad! It's a brain chemistry thing, not a mood thing... And, I do know about moods! I'm in a bit of a cranky one now because of my PC troubles.
Anyway, click on the above link and read the post. It was very enlightening to read his explanation.
This is a great explanation of mental "fog" that explains what I go through. Mine may complicated with the MS "fog" (and my friends tell me it's also age). All I know is that I have it, and it's miserable to deal with. It's a juggling game... what meds cause depression, what meds help, what side affects are bearable, reduce this one, increase that one.
And no... I am not sad! It's a brain chemistry thing, not a mood thing... And, I do know about moods! I'm in a bit of a cranky one now because of my PC troubles.
Anyway, click on the above link and read the post. It was very enlightening to read his explanation.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sunday Scribblings - Pilgrimage
I feel invisible today. It's hard to describe. It's as if I crawled under the kitchen table and am peeking out from under the cloth. Everything is moving on around me, but I am at a standstill.
I'm not sad. I'm lost in a deep, reflective pool of thoughts and memories. It's a pilgrimage, a reviewing of dreams I had for myself. If I hold up a yardstick, how will they measure up?
Did I leave one by the side of the road somewhere? If I glance back, will it still be in sight... can I pick it up again, dust it off, and run with it? Will it mean as much to me as I imagined it would?
I feel a slight breeze moving the cotton cloth. I hear the windchimes just outside the door. It's a peaceful, funny place to be. I don't feel alone... just invisible... and safe.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Other Sunday Scribblings can be found here.
I'm not sad. I'm lost in a deep, reflective pool of thoughts and memories. It's a pilgrimage, a reviewing of dreams I had for myself. If I hold up a yardstick, how will they measure up?
Did I leave one by the side of the road somewhere? If I glance back, will it still be in sight... can I pick it up again, dust it off, and run with it? Will it mean as much to me as I imagined it would?
I feel a slight breeze moving the cotton cloth. I hear the windchimes just outside the door. It's a peaceful, funny place to be. I don't feel alone... just invisible... and safe.
Copyright January 2009 - ajj
Other Sunday Scribblings can be found here.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Short Post for Today...
After spending hours trying to fix my computer, I'm too weary for a real post tonight. It keeps blocking me from web sites. I get it working, it lets me go to one or two blogs, and then it quits again. There's probably a simple fix that I'm just not seeing. Until then, my posts may be few and far between.
So... for today, I'll share a couple of quotes I love...
So... for today, I'll share a couple of quotes I love...
The only thing wrong with doing nothing
is you never know when you’re finished.
~ Anonymous
~~~
True friends are those who,
when you make a fool of yourself,
don't believe that this condition is permanent.
~ Erwin T. Randall
~~~
And finally...
Ouside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read
~ Groucho Marx
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Perfect Day... inspired by Silver Valley Girl
I was reading Silver Valley Girl's post, "A Perfect Day" and it sounded so wonderful. My trouble is, I had an "elf" offer herself and two trusted friend "elves" to come and help me organize my home over a year ago. Pride! Enough said. I did not want them to see the extent of my disorganization. Also, I wasn't sure I could allow some of my "stuff" to be donated or tossed.
When I start sorting through a box of art supplies, saved cards, pictures, books, etc., etc., etc., I just can't decide what to do with all of it. There's just no place to put it. I've run out of storage space. I haven't parked in my garage since the year my mom passed away. Too much stuff!
I dream of floor to ceiling bookshelves; of storage bins, cupboards, or drawers specially designed to hold all of the art supplies, keepsakes, and writing files that I have.
Any occasion where company might come over, calls for emergency scrambling. Throw things in a box (this starts out as a box for each category so I can find stuff later, but progresses to "any box will do" just to get it out of sight). Boxes are then stacked in closets, behind large pieces of furniture, in the overstuffed garage... it's insane! This reminded me of just one of my crazy solutions... I once filled my stove with dirty dishes when a friend called and wanted to drop by. Hours later... time for dinner... I preheated the oven! The smoky smell of Tupperware was all that reminded me. Oh my! I need those elves!
I'm laughing right now, but I know this is a serious organizational problem. I'm confessing to all... and this is embarrassing... like the Oprah guest who had to tunnel through her home and worked at a container store...
My former career was as a Records Manager! And, I was good at it! I do have to admit that I honestly hated the organization/filing part of my job. I loved the personal interactions, special projects on the computer, writing letters (loved that), answering phones & questions. I was in the wrong profession! I love writing, reading, creating, talking...
So, like SVG, my perfect day would be for those elves to show up and work their magic...
just as soon as I swallow my pride.
When I start sorting through a box of art supplies, saved cards, pictures, books, etc., etc., etc., I just can't decide what to do with all of it. There's just no place to put it. I've run out of storage space. I haven't parked in my garage since the year my mom passed away. Too much stuff!
I dream of floor to ceiling bookshelves; of storage bins, cupboards, or drawers specially designed to hold all of the art supplies, keepsakes, and writing files that I have.
Any occasion where company might come over, calls for emergency scrambling. Throw things in a box (this starts out as a box for each category so I can find stuff later, but progresses to "any box will do" just to get it out of sight). Boxes are then stacked in closets, behind large pieces of furniture, in the overstuffed garage... it's insane! This reminded me of just one of my crazy solutions... I once filled my stove with dirty dishes when a friend called and wanted to drop by. Hours later... time for dinner... I preheated the oven! The smoky smell of Tupperware was all that reminded me. Oh my! I need those elves!
I'm laughing right now, but I know this is a serious organizational problem. I'm confessing to all... and this is embarrassing... like the Oprah guest who had to tunnel through her home and worked at a container store...
My former career was as a Records Manager! And, I was good at it! I do have to admit that I honestly hated the organization/filing part of my job. I loved the personal interactions, special projects on the computer, writing letters (loved that), answering phones & questions. I was in the wrong profession! I love writing, reading, creating, talking...
So, like SVG, my perfect day would be for those elves to show up and work their magic...
just as soon as I swallow my pride.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Nobody-but-yourself...
To be nobody-but-yourself --
in a world which is doing its best,
night and day, to make you everybody else --
means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight;
and never stop fighting.
~E.E.Cummings
in a world which is doing its best,
night and day, to make you everybody else --
means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight;
and never stop fighting.
~E.E.Cummings
I found this quote on a friend's facebook page. I'd always loved the poetry of E.E. Cummings, but I hadn't read any in a long, long time. This quote spoke to me tonight. I've been thinking about how hard it can be, just to be.
In my early years, I tried to fit the mold that was expected of me. Most of the time failing miserably, but I kept on trying. I set my dreams aside in deference to others. I failed to be my own advocate. I failed to follow my heart.
It took time, and life experience, to allow myself the freedom of being me. It didn't happen all at once. The walls I built, according to others specifications, took time to remodel. Some of them had to be torn completely down and started again at the foundation.
I am more "me" today than I have ever been. I'm more at peace, less affected by others low opinions. Maybe this is the gift that comes with age. Maybe I couldn't have pursued certain dreams at any other moment in my life. All I do know is that I am content. I see the good and the bad. I still experience tough days, but I am full of joy. I appreciate each day I have on this earth.
In my early years, I tried to fit the mold that was expected of me. Most of the time failing miserably, but I kept on trying. I set my dreams aside in deference to others. I failed to be my own advocate. I failed to follow my heart.
It took time, and life experience, to allow myself the freedom of being me. It didn't happen all at once. The walls I built, according to others specifications, took time to remodel. Some of them had to be torn completely down and started again at the foundation.
I am more "me" today than I have ever been. I'm more at peace, less affected by others low opinions. Maybe this is the gift that comes with age. Maybe I couldn't have pursued certain dreams at any other moment in my life. All I do know is that I am content. I see the good and the bad. I still experience tough days, but I am full of joy. I appreciate each day I have on this earth.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mondays, Blessings, Change...
Well, another Monday is almost over. I like Mondays. Beginning of a new work week. For me, that means trying to get back to the huge list of organizing/cleaning projects that never seem to completely disappear.
PJ had his doctor check today. He is to go back to work as he feels able. He's thinking of trying a short day tomorrow, if he feels as well in the morning as he has today. It's a blessing that he has had such a quick recovery!
Another blessing... Lucky 13 gets to sit in with a local Chamber Orchestra tomorrow night. He auditioned for the conductor during Christmas break. I think it will be a great learning experience and a wonderful opportunity.
I've thought a lot about my Grandpa Evert the past couple of days. His birthday would have been the 11th. He was a blessing in my life and taught me so much. If I have only a grain of the faith he had, I have an abundance.
This quote reminded me of Grandpa...
"He was a person who, if he did not exactly love change, had learned to welcome it, to stand in the shifting winds with a continuous alert curiosity about whatever might come next. I think this is the secret...of a different sort of youthfulness..." —Mark Doty
I'm not sure who it actually referred to, but Grandpa never seemed as old as his years. Well, at least until the last year of his life when his health declined. He had a curiosity about life and learning that I think kept him younger than the calendar indicated.
I've heard that the secret to youthfulness is to continue learning, changing, and enjoying life. I'm giving it a try!
PJ had his doctor check today. He is to go back to work as he feels able. He's thinking of trying a short day tomorrow, if he feels as well in the morning as he has today. It's a blessing that he has had such a quick recovery!
Another blessing... Lucky 13 gets to sit in with a local Chamber Orchestra tomorrow night. He auditioned for the conductor during Christmas break. I think it will be a great learning experience and a wonderful opportunity.
I've thought a lot about my Grandpa Evert the past couple of days. His birthday would have been the 11th. He was a blessing in my life and taught me so much. If I have only a grain of the faith he had, I have an abundance.
This quote reminded me of Grandpa...
"He was a person who, if he did not exactly love change, had learned to welcome it, to stand in the shifting winds with a continuous alert curiosity about whatever might come next. I think this is the secret...of a different sort of youthfulness..." —Mark Doty
I'm not sure who it actually referred to, but Grandpa never seemed as old as his years. Well, at least until the last year of his life when his health declined. He had a curiosity about life and learning that I think kept him younger than the calendar indicated.
I've heard that the secret to youthfulness is to continue learning, changing, and enjoying life. I'm giving it a try!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Update on PJ... and Fake Emails...
First of all, an update on my husband. The surgery went well, though he had a reaction to the anesthesia and threw up most of the first night. He is much better, though feels he won't be up to going back to work for a few days. Still having pain if he tries to do much of anything, especially if it requires him to bend over. PJ has not had to use hardly any pain medication, which is a real blessing. I appreciate all the prayers and kind comments! It means a lot!
Now for the second thing. Twice, after posting a comment, I received an email showing the comment I posted and a second email. It appeared to be from my own email address, but both were sexually based ads for products.
My fear is, since these came to me using my own address as sender, my friends and family may receive email that appears to be from me promoting these items.
I have notified AOL, my email provider, and hope to have the source of this tracked down and stopped. I have been running my virus program to insure that this isn't something buried in my PC.
If any of you receive emails from my address with titles similar to "Time is Pleasure" or "Making _ _______ Tools" (Yes... left blank for a reason), please do not open. Forward them to me or to TosReports@aol.com with a brief explanation. I don't know how my exact email address can be used like this, but am working with AOL to find an answer.
It may result in me closing my current account and opening up under another name. I will keep you all posted! Please, please let me know right away if you have received anything from my email address that you know is out of charactor for me!
Blessings!
Nita Jo
Now for the second thing. Twice, after posting a comment, I received an email showing the comment I posted and a second email. It appeared to be from my own email address, but both were sexually based ads for products.
My fear is, since these came to me using my own address as sender, my friends and family may receive email that appears to be from me promoting these items.
I have notified AOL, my email provider, and hope to have the source of this tracked down and stopped. I have been running my virus program to insure that this isn't something buried in my PC.
If any of you receive emails from my address with titles similar to "Time is Pleasure" or "Making _ _______ Tools" (Yes... left blank for a reason), please do not open. Forward them to me or to TosReports@aol.com with a brief explanation. I don't know how my exact email address can be used like this, but am working with AOL to find an answer.
It may result in me closing my current account and opening up under another name. I will keep you all posted! Please, please let me know right away if you have received anything from my email address that you know is out of charactor for me!
Blessings!
Nita Jo
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Asking For Prayer
Sorry I've been absent recently. Between life and computer issues, it's been impossible to get back here.
Please say a prayer for my husband and I tomorrow morning. He is having Gall Bladder surgery, and I will have to be up to driving him to and from the hospital. I am feeling well today and am sure I will be able to do it.
It is a laproscopic surgery, so he should come home by late afternoon. I am very optimistic about it, but the more prayers the better!
Blessings to all,
Nita Jo
Please say a prayer for my husband and I tomorrow morning. He is having Gall Bladder surgery, and I will have to be up to driving him to and from the hospital. I am feeling well today and am sure I will be able to do it.
It is a laproscopic surgery, so he should come home by late afternoon. I am very optimistic about it, but the more prayers the better!
Blessings to all,
Nita Jo
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