Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Yes, I'm Still Here...

Where are all my old blogging buddies? I'm guessing life has taken you all in different directions, just like it has done to me. 

Life is getting better. PJ and I are adjusting to his retirement and enjoying our time together. We both have bothersome little health issues, but nothing too terrible. Though it took a while to recover from the heart surgery, I'm keeping my blood pressure, etc. under control. I've even convinced my husband to start eating more veggies! He's started cooking some of our meals and has made a couple fantastic vegetarian dishes. 

Between Covid-19, fires all over the west, earthquakes in my state, hurricanes in the southeast, and politics (I'll keep my liberal thoughts to myself, at least for now. Haha!), I think we could all use some good news. Best I can offer is never give up believing things will get better. Keep the peace with your friends and neighbors. Reach out to those in need, if you can. We will get through all of this if we continue to be kind to one another, and by God's grace and mercy.

In the meantime, do something that brings you joy. Read a great book, watch a favorite movie, pull out the board games, take up a new hobby, write a letter to an old friend... 

Look for the laughter and you will find it. Wishing you peace and love.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Faith, Family, Friends...

Yesterday afternoon and evening, I was able to spend time with my cousin, Ramona. She recently lost her husband, and it's been a rough time for her. She came by my house and suggested we go visit her mom. Just driving through her old neighborhood, where I'd spent many happy childhood days, was emotional and wonderful. My mom lived across the street from them, for several years. Her house is still there, still the same color. The only real change was, the rose arbor that went over the front gate was no longer there.

As we walked around to the back of Mary Ellen's home, to go in through the back door, I glanced up at the little window of the garage apartment. We lived there, when I was very young. I remember looking out that window, seeing my cousins playing in the yard below. This was when I first really got to know my cousins, five girls, what fun we had!

Walking through the house, memories kept washing over me. We had a lovely visit with Mary Ellen. Even with extreme health issues, her smile and her sense of humor was still strong. She and my mom always kept us laughing with their stories. I miss those times. I'm so thankful for them.

Next, Ramona and I went to one of our favorite Chinese restaurants, Golden Star. It was just as good as I remembered! That place is filled with memories as well. My grandparents took us there often, beginning back in the late 60's. My husband and I, along with our families, shared our wedding day meal there before leaving for our honeymoon.

Ramona and I talked about so many things. There were tears, some from memories and some from the hot mustard, and there was a lot of laughter. We talked about the past. We talked about what her future may now hold. When life changes the plans you had for your retirement years with your husband, you have to begin thinking about what you will now do. One thing I do believe, she will be blessed beyond what she can even see right now, and my cousin is a woman of strong faith and vision. I'm praying and believing it will be better than she can even imagine.

Before we left Golden Star, I heard a hello, and there was another cousin's wife, Dorrine! She was there with a big group of family. After hugs all around, we chatted a couple minutes. Then another friend of Ramona's walked in, and she got to share a few moments with him. As we were leaving, our cousin Mark was just arriving to join the family, so we got to say hello to him as well. I guess we picked the perfect night to eat at Golden Star.

We decided to text one of my best friends, DeAnn. She hadn't been able to join us for dinner, but she was now available to visit, so we headed to her home. What a fun time we had! More laughter, a few more tears. We talked about everything from family, loss, life, church, our homes, and even clothes. DeAnn showed us her new LuLaRoe clothes, purchased from the lovely Jenn Schram, and even offered to let me try on a couple of her new shirts. Such fun! We took photos of her in one of her new outfits, which led to some laughs because neither Ramona or I were very adept at using the smart phone for photos.

After Ramona dropped me off at my house, and I sat in my family room going over the events of the evening, I felt so blessed. Having family and friends to travel through this life's journey is what it's all about. We can share our sorrows and our joys with each other. We are reminded we don't have to walk it alone. We have our faith, our family, and our friends to make our journey a little bit easier, and a lot less lonely, and that is a blessing.


Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Chapters...

I saw this quote on Facebook today...

"Everyone has a chapter they don't want to read out loud..."
(It was attributed to Toby Mac, but the internet is filled with misquotes so I'm not 100% certain)

It got me thinking. I have some of those chapters. Maybe I don't want to read them out loud, but more and more I want to write it all down. Every chapter, every paragraph of my life was part of creating the person you know today. Pain as well as joy. Created by God, but shaped and formed by what I experienced in this world. Yes, He's there to help, but he doesn't always shield us from the blows, the cruelty, the abuse.

We walk through life and all it's experiences. Our hope is in knowing we are always loved by our Creator. He knows our pain. He knows we grow from our experiences, so He does not keep us in safe, controlled hot houses. Some flourish, no matter what they are put through. Some are destroyed, unable to understand why He left them hanging. Perhaps I am somewhere in the middle, not destroyed but not always victorious. I'm human. I fail. I hurt. I rejoice. I overcome. I'm alive. I am His in all my chapters, in all my various hues.

© 27Jul2016 ajj

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Lovely Day...

This morning was my monthly ladies group from church. We met at the IHop for breakfast and conversation. My aunt shared some beautiful thoughts with us about finding joy in the small things rather than just focusing on the big miracles we'd like to see happening, letting go of our insecurities, and using what we have inside to give to others. From a song she wrote some years ago, there is a line:

"...I am nothing in my humanity. But, the Spirit of God who dwells within has a power vested in me."

I may feel insignificant and unable to provide much help to others, but if I have opened my heart to God's love, I find He has equipped me for the moment. When I am called on to give help or encouragement, I know I can draw on His power "vested in me" and it will be more than enough.

Wishing you a day filled with joy!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

In the dark...

I don't really have a fear of ghosts or spirits, well perhaps a tiny bit on occasion, but I do have a fear of what, or who, could be lurking out in the dark of the night. I know this is a result of early childhood experiences, but even knowing this doesn't remove it's occasional grip on me. Neither does my faith in God, because some amazing people of faith have had terrible things happen to them. For me, faith is about how you handle what comes your way. It doesn't make you immune from disaster or terrible events.

I'm trying to set aside the random scary thoughts invading my peaceful space. Part of the problem is I have not been sleeping well, it's getting late, and it's very dark outside. I'm sure sleep will find me soon, and before I know it, morning will arrive with the bright scents of hyacinth and fresh air, the sounds of birds, and everyday traffic, and all will seem right with my world again. Until then, I will attempt to shoo away the buzzing voices of fearful and scary imaginings.

Sometimes saying a thing, or in my case typing it, is enough to make it seem small and trivial. I feel so much better now!

Wishing peaceful dreams to all...

© 25Mar2015 ajj

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Visitation...

Today is my mom's birthday. I miss her most days, but even more on special days like today, because we usually spent time together celebrating.

An old, faded Polaroid of my mom, back in the 6o's. She was so pretty!

Those who don't believe in spirit visitation may want to stop reading now...

I was trying to get myself ready to go to church service, even though I didn't feel well. It's what my mom would have done. It didn't happen. Then I heard steps coming down the hallway, but all the doors were closed and nobody was in sight. Must be mom, I thought to myself, with a smile. Instead of pushing myself to go, I picked up my Bible, which belonged to my mother before it was mine.  There are still some notes she wrote during church services tucked inside it. I read a few scriptures she had notated. I thought about Biblical rules versus grace. Many things in my life have evolved over the years. My faith in God is still as strong, but I have less tolerance for extreme views and for condemnation of others. I believe in leaving judgement to God, living the best I know how, and loving others as unconditionally as my human mind can manage to do.

As I sat thinking about what I've been taught over the years. I thought about the mind-set many Christians have towards those who don't share their exact point of view. I said to myself, "I refuse to be mean and unforgiving." Suddenly the three-way light across the room, clicked and turned up a notch. For a moment the room was flooded with an extra bright light, then it went back to normal. I felt my mom in the room. My mom, who loved people and refused to judge them or their life choices. Mom, who taught me to love even the unloveable. All the way from stray cats and dogs, to homeless people on the streets, to those who were defined by others as sinners. No one was beyond deserving her love and understanding. There was never a "lost cause" anywhere she looked. Just love and forgiveness. That doesn't mean she wasn't tried on occasion. It doesn't mean it was always easy. It means she took the effort to love, to set aside anger and judgement, and to extend herself beyond what our human nature often does. She offered a smile and a hand up! I learned some of my best lessons from my mother. I was truly blessed to have her in my life, and I am still being blessed! Happy Birthday, mom!

© 22Mar2015 ajj

Thursday, October 23, 2014

To Friendship...

I'm sitting here enjoying a snowy episode of Gilmore Girls, eating a Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, sipping a cup of Starbucks Pike Place Roast coffee. And no, I get no compensation for name dropping of major brands. ;)

I'm feeling very blessed. Both sons are home today. They're visiting and video-gaming in the other room. My husband is out getting a haircut and doing some shopping at the mall. I have a large pan of my grandma's Spanish Goulash baking in the oven for later, and the house smells terrific!

I'd been missing two of my closest friends so much. They've just been on my mind. I found out yesterday that DeAnn hasn't been well, but we texted some messages back and forth, and it made her seem closer. In reality, she lives not too far from me, but life seems to be pulling us in different directions, and we just don't get together much any more. We're going to try to fix that, and very soon! We met many years ago when she began dating one of my childhood friends. One of our first nights together, at a church retreat, we spent much of the night talking after all the other ladies had fallen to sleep. Over the years, we've watched our sons grow up, worked on many Harvest Parties for the kids Sunday School classes, had years of Church Camp, dinners out, and game nights! When we're together we're either laughing or breaking out in song, or sometimes both! She is such a dear friend!

Carol lives several hours from me, in north Idaho. We became close because she married my cousin, Paul. They lived in Meridian for several years which is when our friendship really began. We discovered we are "kindred spirits" and have so much in common. It was because of her, I began blogging. We both love books and writing, music, and so much more. We can talk for hours. She has introduced me to so many new ideas. She has a great love for animals and gardening, and she is an excellent cook and hostess. She's an actress in local theatre and has also appeared in a short, independent film. She has a strong Christian faith and has been a constant inspiration to me. I mentioned to my husband, just this morning, how I was missing her. He went out to the mailbox a few minutes later, and there was a card for me! It was from Carol, and on the envelope had a picture of a couple Lab puppies (I love Labs), and "Best Friends" was printed on it. To the side, Carol wrote in "and kindred spirits" which made my heart smile!

I have many other dear, close friends, but won't write about them on this day. If you're reading this, and you are one of those, please know each one of you is precious to me and holds a unique place in my heart.

Here's to friendship!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Promise...

Hello 2014!  Not just a New Year, but a year of New Beginnings...

More living...
More writing...
More time with family and friends...
More strength...
More bravery...
More faith...
More love...

I decided not to do a traditional list of resolutions, mainly because I've never been successful with one.  I chose to focus on the things which mean the most to me, and work on each of them a little at a time.  No specific goals, other than to just enjoy the journey.  So I begin...

A cousin shared part of this scripture after hearing so many negative things regarding the weather changes and the fear it has created.

Genesis 8:21-22

New International Version (NIV)
21 The Lord smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.
22 “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night 
will never cease.”
She was choosing not to focus on fearful circumstances, but to rely upon God's promise.

It's not always easy to look beyond the things affecting our day to day lives, and there's a tendency to allow them to define our thinking.  A big part of my journey is to change the way I view things, to focus on the promise, to see the good in life and in our world.  Today, I am thankful for the promise of tomorrow.

Wishing each of you a bright New Year, filled with promise!


© 08Jan2014 ajj

  


Saturday, November 2, 2013

Ahhh, November...

Thanks to Louise, of Bumble Button, for sharing this image!
I love the month of November for so many reasons.  It's the last bit of autumn, the weather is brisk and wonderful!  It leads into my favorite family holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It also happens to be my birth month.  I never feel so alive as I do in November.  For me, it's a time of new beginnings.

Yesterday, I had a moment of self realization.  It was as if a veil had been removed from my eyes.  I remembered who I was.  It's really difficult to explain depression, especially when I didn't even know I was caught in it.  I've had moments of great joy, but somewhere inside there has been a disconnect.

When I was young, I longed to be a clown.  I even collected clowns.  When you're a clown, you can have a smile for the world, even when you're all broken up inside.  So, I was a "clown" many times, but a day came when I couldn't even pretend to smile for the world, or my family, or my friends.  It cost me, because some people can't bear to see pain in others. They much prefer the clown.  Those who truly love me have stayed in my life.  They are my great Oak trees!  Rooted deep, invested, and there for the long term.  I'm thankful for the great Oaks.  I'm thankful they continued to reach out, sometimes to lift me up by their words or just in their private prayers.  I have felt it, and I survived because of it.  I also survived because of my amazing husband and sons! They made my life worth living, even on the days when I couldn't stop saying "I can't... I just can't... I'm not strong enough..."

Friends help us through the stormy times...
(Thank you to Dawn, of The Feathered Nest, who shared this image.)
I've had other "breakthrough" days. Days when I felt like an overcomer, but it has always been tempered with a touch of doubt.  It's because I know life doesn't just bring joy, it brings sorrow, it brings illness, it brings pain. I've always relied on my faith to carry me through those times, and it surprised me to realize how far I'd fallen into the darkness of depression. I'm not even sure when it began, but I know it has clouded my perceptions for a good, long while.

Yesterday, I felt renewed. I stood in the middle of my home, which has been filled with so much "stuff" I'd saved, for what I do not know.  I knew I needed to do some clearing out and have actually been working on it, donating clothing, books, excess, but I didn't really see how bad it was, how it weighed me down.  I suddenly said, "I can!" and repeated it to myself as I began to open my curtains, and pull up the blinds.  This was both literally and mentally.  I let the sunlight in.  I looked out at the beautiful autumn colors, and I saw them, really saw them.  I felt the possibilities rather than the limitations, and I'm loving November!


© 02Nov2013 ajjahner

Friday, January 11, 2013

Remembering Grandpa

Sending birthday greetings heavenwards, to my grandpa!  He was born 100 years ago today!  I'm sitting here on this snowy morning, sipping a cup of hot coffee, and reflecting on my years with my grandpa.  What a sweet, amazing man he was.  He made such a difference in my life.

I stayed with my grandparents off and on from the day I was born, then permanently when I was just 8 years old.  I'm not going to write a long story about him, just a few descriptive words...

  • grandpa, father
  • minister, man of tremendous faith, believed in the power of prayer
  • loved his family, proud of every new addition to it
  • loved me unconditionally 
  • looked for the best in people 
  • taught me to be generous
  • sang in his beautifully off-key voice with joy 
  • loved to laugh, and his laughter was contagious
  • loved nature, gardening, birds
  • always made time for people
  • dressed well, even when spending the day at home
  • had beautiful handwriting
  • loved words and learning
  • remembered your name...
I always expected grandpa would live well beyond his 100th birthday.  He loved life, and this beautiful world we live in.  He had a vision for a better, more peaceful world.  I still carry the same hope in my heart.  

Wishing each of you joy and hope.  

Wishing grandpa a very Happy Birthday.  I will always remember...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Pushing Through the Pain...

It's been a while since I shared much about my journey with MS.  The last three weeks have been very difficult physically.  I had to swallow my pride and have my husband put my walker back in the car, in order for me to even leave the house.  It's been a long time since I had to use a walker.  The timing has been difficult, because we've been on the countdown toward my youngest son leaving the nest.  Move-in day at college is this Saturday!  I had plans for joyful shopping trips and last minute fun moments together, but this recent attack on my body made it nearly impossible.  A few days ago, I had to be placed on a heart monitor for 24 hours, and they took an ultrasound of my heart... no results yet, though I'm fairly certain they will decide it was something called an MS "hug" that I was experiencing.  They increased my pain medication, added steroids and muscle relaxants...  The results were that my face and neck swelled up night before last, and I woke in the wee hours of the morning fighting for air.  This is apparently from the steroids.  I'm feeling much more myself today, although I will still be using my walker and/or canes for the time being.

When I'm tempted to let the "dark days" take over, I have to remind myself how blessed I am.

~ I have family and friends who love me, and pray for me.
~ I'm still able to do many things I love.
~ There are those much worse off than I am.
~ I'm one of the fortunate ones with a good health insurance.

I have a faith that sustains me, even on days when I just want to sit and cry like a small child.  When those days come, and they do, I can find my way out of the darkness because of that faith.

It also helps to read about what others are facing in their lives, and how they deal with it.  I've shared many times about Baby Gabe, and his journey.  Here is a link to an uplifting blog I just discovered.  The writer is Jenn, and she shares about Gabe's birthday balloon release, and about her own journey with an invisible illness.  I think it will bless you, it certainly blessed me...  Her blog is called Chasing Joy.  Then, take just a moment to read Julia's Happy Birthday post for little Gabe, here at The Four of Us.  It is beautiful!

Well, my youngest just walked into the house... time to get busy on that list of things we want to fit into the next two days!  Wishing you a day filled with love and simple joys...






 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

A Final Post for My Little Cousin, Gabe

This week, Gabriel's family will be celebrating his life.  His first birthday would have been Tuesday, and the family and friends will gather at a local park to release balloons in Gabe's honor.

Julia's most recent posts, at The Four of Us, are heartbreaking and beautiful.  If you click on the blog name, it will take you there.  It's a touching look at a mother's faith, love, and saying goodbye to her little one.

Here is the Face Book page Hope For Gabriel's Heartand if you want to donate anything toward his funeral costs or medical expenses, see the link on my sidebar with his photo.  If you are unable to donate monetarily, I just ask that you continue to hold this family, especially Julia and Nick, in your prayers, and please say a special prayer for his big brother, Judah...

The story of little Gabriel's life is a blessing, a testament to faith.  We wished for a much longer life for him, here on this earth, but his family's faith tells them he is safe in the arms of a loving Heavenly Father.  Even in heartbreak, there is hope and peace.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Lesson - Sunday Scribblings

For this Sunday Scribblings prompt, I was compelled to look at my roots, my faith.  I learned lessons about faith as a young child, and at times struggled with what it really means to me.  I've been disappointed in people who proclaimed their Christianity, yet seemed to turn a blind eye to those who were hurting, weak, different, or just not good enough.  I've also had to acknowledge that same tendency exists in me.  I think we all look at the world through somewhat biased eyes.  Our vision is tainted by whatever our teachings have been.  I'm on a continuing journey to find who my best self is, while walking in my faith.  I hope I'm always growing into a more Godlike person, who leaves the judging to my creator.  The most important lesson for me is that I believe in an awesome, loving and forgiving God.  My hope is, I remember to treat those I meet along the way with the same love and forgiveness I desire. 

The Lesson

One thing, above all else
A lesson, never growing old
One thing to remember
No matter what else you've been told
One thing, lights every darkness
And can heal a broken heart
One thing, that lasts forever
My God, how great Thou art

© 06FEB2012 ajj

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Day 24 - Beginnings, Finding Joy

Today has been a beautiful one.  Not the weather, it's been overcast and very cold.  Just something about the day.  Maybe it's because I woke up feeling good.  My head cold is waning, and I slept much better last night. 

My mind has been filled with ideas.  Things I want to do, things I'm looking forward to.  A visit from my sister-in-law in a couple of weeks.  My lil sis and one of my best friends have birthdays coming up.  That means a lunch or dinner out with each of them!  I talked to my husband about some craft projects I want his help with.  That may mean buying myself a couple of tools, but it will be fun!  He thought it sounded like fun too.  I'll keep you posted on this. 

I've also been thinking about my journey with my faith.  I hit a crisis a few months back.  It felt like I might never recover, but I did.  I was reading this post today, Talking To God.  That's how it is for me.  Things hit, and maybe send me reeling, but I always have God to turn to.  It doesn't mean that life is always rosy and wonderful.  It does mean I can find joy, in even the darkest of times.  Hoping you are finding the joy in your life!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Day 20 - Beginnings, Baby Gabriel

On August 28 of last year, Baby Gabriel arrived.  While still inside his mother, doctors discovered a challenge.  Gabe was diagnosed with HLHS, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, a severe congenital heart defect.  An additional challenge of Downs Syndrome was verified after his birth.

I don't want to go into all the details of little Gabe's life so far, but I'd love for you to meet his mom, Julia, at her blog.  It's called The Four Of Us.  I'd also love for you to meet his dad, Nick, at Gabriel's Hope.  They are two incredible people.  Gabriel is their second child.  He has a big brother, Judah.  Every day, Nick and Julia pour their love out over their two little guys.  They pray with them and over them.  They continue to have faith and hope as they walk this journey together.  It's a road that might seem impossible to some, but one they welcome, because it is the road they get to travel with their boys. 

If you have means to help financially, there are two donation links on my sidebar.  One is a fundraiser with items for sale.  The other is for direct donation.  Even more important, if you are a praying person, pray for this family.  Pray for God's hand of healing over this little one... little Gabriel. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Day 11 - Beginnings, In Regard to Relationships

I can't let today go by without mentioning my grandpa.  Today is his birthday and thoughts of him have flooded my mind.  With people I love, there are certain signatures that they imprint into my memories.  This happens at the beginning of any type of relationship for me.  Over time things are added to that list, but there are always the very significant ones.  With my grandpa, it is the following:

His laugh - indescribable, infectious, pure joy
His prayers - heartfelt, sincere, coming from a deep commitment and trust
His singing - off-key, joyful, with gusto
His hands - strong yet gentle, raised in worship, reaching for a handshake, turning the pages of his Bible
His eyes - laughing, brightest blue, seeing and still loving

In the beginning... with God, with family, with friends.  There are things which make an imprint, they are written on our hearts.  These are the important things.

Grandpa & Grandma... Love...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Day 7 - Beginnings - On Faith

I've been thinking about faith.  It has been part of me for most of my life.  I was baptized in water as an infant, but my faith began a few years later.  It was the day I recognized that I could talk to God, and I felt He was hearing my prayers.

As a small child, I heard prayers being said and was prayed with.  I wasn't sure exactly how I should pray.  I had a little book of prayers that I loved.  It held all kinds of prayers for children.  One night I took it to bed with me.  I propped it open on my pillow, elbows on each side of it, hands folded.  With head bowed and peeking through my fingers, I began to read, Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.  As I read those simple words, I felt that God was there with me, listening.  Not only listening, but caring.

After that night, I began to speak to God from my heart.  I remember the night I prayed God would let me live with my Grandma and Grandpa.  I loved my momma so much, but she worked long hours, and perhaps I was picking up on her unhappiness.  Something had changed.  I didn't know it for a long time after, but my mother had cancer. God answered my prayer in a matter of days.  Momma sat me down and asked if I'd like to live with my grandparents. I was filled with joy and excitement!  It was my first palpable answer to prayer!  God had heard me!  He became real to me in a way that I'd not known before. Just so nobody misunderstands, the answer to prayer was not the cancer, which she had been fighting already, unknown to me. It was feeling God had seen my loneliness and confusion, in our situation, and placed me where I needed to be.

Every person's faith has a beginning point.  A defining place that stays in the core of their being.  No matter how many trials have come my way, I still find peace through my faith.  It carries me through the storms of life and increases my joy in the tranquil times.

© 07JAN12 ajj

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sunday Scribblings #270 - Sweet

This is my response to the new Sunday Scribblings prompt.  It's not my usual poem or piece of fiction.  Just some shared thoughts, on where I am in my life, on this particular day...   


Church has always played a role in my life, whether I was attending or not.  My mother told me I was baptized as an infant, but I neglected to ask where or what denomination.  It was most likely in Kellogg, Idaho.  It didn't really matter to me, because for as long as I can remember, I spoke to God and felt like He heard me.  What I felt for my Creator was sweet, pure, and deep within me.


Mom worked nights and many Sunday mornings, but she often let me walk to a little pink church down the road.  I loved Sunday School, until they started putting black marks by my name for the Sundays I missed.  My final break with the pink church was when my Sunday School Teacher, and
I use the word teacher lightly here (though I did learn a lesson from her), told me that unless my mom started coming with me, she was going to burn in the fires of Hell!  Then she passed around the bag for our offering.  I slipped my clenched hand into my pocket, hanging on tightly to my dime.  I never went back to that church.  I did continue to pray to God each night though.

I'm saying all of this because I'm in an identity crisis with my faith.  I've always known who I was, what I believed, and who God was to me.  I had my home church, and it remained home to me even when I lived in another state.  But everything has changed.

It's not so much that my church changed, though it has.  It's more that I have changed.  My faith has been challenged... well, actually rocked!  I feel like I've been treading water, and I've never been a good swimmer so there is the constant fear of drowning.  Of losing myself.  So once again, I am home on a Sunday morning, and it feels strange to me.  I haven't stopped praying.  I still believe.  I'm just standing at the metaphorical fork in the road.  Neither path looks appealing.  Neither calls out to me.  So I'm sitting on this grassy knoll, enjoying the sun, until I'm ready to move on. 

© 5Jun2011 ajj

Saturday, May 21, 2011

If Life Has Hurt You...

Pause the Playlist before starting the video...


This speaks to those moments when you feel there's been too much pain, too many disappointments, those you counted on let you down, you've faced unbearable loss, your world came crashing down...  Whatever the sorrow... maybe something good will come from it... maybe He still loves and cares... if you can keep on trusting... if you just Believe. 

Monday, January 10, 2011

Here's Another Giveaway for You!

Go to Junkin' Julie's for a sweet Giveaway.  See the link on my sidebar, click it, and just like magic... it will take you there!  Besides the button bracelet, she has some other treasures to share with some lucky winner.

I spent a very restless night.  Tearful, prayful... I'm not sure why.  I was ready to blame it on menopause or hunger (from the fast I'm on), but I had my "menopause" years ago after my hysterectomy and I'm not really that hungry, as I just made some healthy changes to my diet.  I can eat all the fruit and veg that I want!

Finally, I decided God was just speaking to my heart.  We all have those things that we can't even put into words... heart wounds, that only God sees and knows.  I am dealing with some of those.  The only thing that gets me through these times is my faith.  I honestly don't know how people who have lost faith, or never experienced it, survive some of the things life dishes out.  We all have times of hurt, loss, suffering.  We all need to feel peace and hope.  I am so thankful for my faith, my family, my friends.  That includes all you wonderful blog friends I have made.  What a blessing you have been to me! 

So, bear with me as I travel through some troubling times in my life.  I'll try not to complain too much, but this is my "escape" place where I can bare my soul a bit.  Please be patient while I walk through this valley.  I know the mountaintop is just a short journey away... because God is always faithful!