Friday, November 22, 2013

Countdown to Thanksgiving...

So much to do in the next couple of days, and my husband and I have been down with horrid colds!  He rarely gets sick, and now both of us are battling the coughing/runny nose/achy/tiredness, which is not a good thing.  We're subsisting on chicken soup, crackers, tea and juice, along with Alka-Seltzer Plus and cough drops.

He's been confining himself to the bedroom, and watching a lot of the history channel, when he's awake.  I've got the family room sofa, and have been watching a lot of old TV shows, movies, HGTV, etc.  I've missed the middle section of most of them.  I wake up in time to see the credits rolling by.  Haha!

I have been doing a lot of mental planning for the holidays.  What to bake, gifts to buy, cards to send.  I'm thinking of buying a new artificial tree this year. Last year we got a real one because our old artificial tree is so huge.  I want a tall, thin tree that doesn't take quite so much space.  I was going to buy one right after the holidays last year and take advantage of the sales, but the ones I liked had all sold out.  I may just have to buck up and pay the full price.

I know this is kind of a rambling post, but I'm blaming it on my cold meds!  I'll try to write something truly fascinating next time!  Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?  I can hear you laughing...  :)

Until next time, God bless you all!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Quite the Day...

Well, we've had a bit of sunshine, a little snow, even more rain, plus a touch of hail, but I'm having a wonderful birthday in spite of the crazy weather!  The day is half over, and I'm still sitting around in my PJ's, relaxing.  My sons are both here.  They got me some fun gifts, a holiday favorite of ours, the Home Alone Blu-ray movies; Unnatural Creatures, a book of short shorties chosen by Neil Gaiman, including one of his own; and just for laughs, a Lord of the Rings Lego set, for the kid in me!  It really did make me laugh, and I'm going to put it together and display it near my Lord of the Rings movie collection!

Birthday Fun!
My husband cooked us all a delicious breakfast of fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon, and sourdough toast!  He's the best!  He got me a vintage Coronet magazine from the month I was born, and there's a great story in it by Billy Holiday about her life.  He also got me some favorite DVD's!  The original British Miss Marple series starring Margaret Rutherford; a Katharine Hepburn collection Morning Glory, Stage Door, The Philadelphia Story, and an all time favorite, Little Women; and finally, the Blu-ray Extended Edition of The Hobbit!  I'm movie rich, and I can see a lot of cozy, winter evenings ahead of us.  He's now in the kitchen preparing to bake a couple of birthday desserts.  One of them is definitely Gooseberry Pie!  I feel so fortunate to have my husband and sons at home with me on my birthday!  I am blessed!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Ahhh, November...

Thanks to Louise, of Bumble Button, for sharing this image!
I love the month of November for so many reasons.  It's the last bit of autumn, the weather is brisk and wonderful!  It leads into my favorite family holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It also happens to be my birth month.  I never feel so alive as I do in November.  For me, it's a time of new beginnings.

Yesterday, I had a moment of self realization.  It was as if a veil had been removed from my eyes.  I remembered who I was.  It's really difficult to explain depression, especially when I didn't even know I was caught in it.  I've had moments of great joy, but somewhere inside there has been a disconnect.

When I was young, I longed to be a clown.  I even collected clowns.  When you're a clown, you can have a smile for the world, even when you're all broken up inside.  So, I was a "clown" many times, but a day came when I couldn't even pretend to smile for the world, or my family, or my friends.  It cost me, because some people can't bear to see pain in others. They much prefer the clown.  Those who truly love me have stayed in my life.  They are my great Oak trees!  Rooted deep, invested, and there for the long term.  I'm thankful for the great Oaks.  I'm thankful they continued to reach out, sometimes to lift me up by their words or just in their private prayers.  I have felt it, and I survived because of it.  I also survived because of my amazing husband and sons! They made my life worth living, even on the days when I couldn't stop saying "I can't... I just can't... I'm not strong enough..."

Friends help us through the stormy times...
(Thank you to Dawn, of The Feathered Nest, who shared this image.)
I've had other "breakthrough" days. Days when I felt like an overcomer, but it has always been tempered with a touch of doubt.  It's because I know life doesn't just bring joy, it brings sorrow, it brings illness, it brings pain. I've always relied on my faith to carry me through those times, and it surprised me to realize how far I'd fallen into the darkness of depression. I'm not even sure when it began, but I know it has clouded my perceptions for a good, long while.

Yesterday, I felt renewed. I stood in the middle of my home, which has been filled with so much "stuff" I'd saved, for what I do not know.  I knew I needed to do some clearing out and have actually been working on it, donating clothing, books, excess, but I didn't really see how bad it was, how it weighed me down.  I suddenly said, "I can!" and repeated it to myself as I began to open my curtains, and pull up the blinds.  This was both literally and mentally.  I let the sunlight in.  I looked out at the beautiful autumn colors, and I saw them, really saw them.  I felt the possibilities rather than the limitations, and I'm loving November!

© 02Nov2013 ajjahner