Regaining a Sense of Wonder

I wrote the following comment in response to a question on the Grow Me a Story Blog post, From Lamenting to Lauding.

"This time of year I tend to lean toward the lamenting, always feeling the absense of loved ones passed on or those I don't get to see very often. The morning pages have been very helpful, not just in sowing seeds for growth in creativity but as an outlet for examining feelings. It's a very healing activity. The 90 Days of Autumn Awareness has been wonderful in keeping me looking at what is around me and appreciating what I am observing. Little things like homemade chili, are normally not celebrated. As I focus on these small things, I find a new sense of wonder about my everyday world."

It is good to find things in life to celebrate, to regain our sense of wonder about the world and to appreciate the world around us.

Welcome November!

Since my September 1st post, life has been a whirlwind. My sister helped her partner drive their belongings to their new home in Oregon. She left him and their kitty there, and flew back to finish out her job and clear the apartment. She spent the last couple weeks in our home. Then before out flying to start her new life in Oregon, we went through a lot of her stuff that didn't make the trip, she helped me organize my front room and I decided what to keep and what should now go, we held a big yard sale which did really well, then we filled boxes of leftover items to be donated. It was fun having her here. We had a lot of late night talks, a lot of laughter, and a few tears. It was a special time. I plan to visit them next spring or summer, God willing.

I've continued doing my morning journal writing for the Grow Me A Story class. It's called Sowing Seeds. I just put down whatever comes to mind. It's a great exercise to clear the mind and to jot down creative ideas. I'm posting daily on Instagram as part of a 90 Days of Autumn Awareness activity. It's been challenging and fun! I'm working on setting some weekly writing goals, which will include posting more often on this blog. Until then...

Welcome September!

I am ready for September. This has been a busy and very hot summer, in fact the heat wave is continuing into this new month for at least the next week. I'll have to keep dreaming of those cooler days. I'm excited about changes that are coming up. My sister's move to Oregon. My continuing classes with Grow Me A Story. Getting out into the community more after very little of that in the past 3 years. It's late, so I must cut this short but wanted to get something posted on this first day of September. Life holds a lot of promise right now. I look forward to seeing what the coming weeks will bring!

Sunflowers - Free Image from Pixabay

Rain and Other Stuff...

Photo by Kerstin Riemer 
From Pixabay, Free Use Images

I'm sitting here listening to the rain coming down, and feeling peaceful. I love the sound of rain hitting the roof!

It's been a crazy couple of days at my home, mostly seen through the hazy eyes my muscle relaxants give me. I'll be glad to be done with those, hopefully very soon! Even so, I still got a little cleaning done, called a couple loved ones, did some reading from a print book, finished a recorded book, watched a little baseball and some more old Survivor episodes, and listened to the news... nuff said about that...

We got our sprinklers blown out earlier today and ready for the coming cold weather, so that's one more item off the checklist! I had also ordered a new vacuum cleaner, which arrived this evening! Paul put it together and took it for a test drive down our dusty hallway. I'm so happy to have a functioning vacuum again! Yay!

Oh, and I'm officially on Social Security. That's so weird because in my head I'm way too young for that, even though my husband retired earlier this year. Funny how that works. That's a quick update on my life. I hope you are all healthy and happy! Now, back to that book I go!

Happy Halloween...

Halloween is upon us, and October is nearing it's close. It's been a busy month for me, working on little projects, catching up on some reading, putting away summer clothing and pulling out warmer things for autumn.

We've had such a beautiful week. Cold nights and cool days. My perfect choice for weather! The fall colors have been amazing this year! Varied and bright!

On Facebook I participated in a 7 day photo challenge. You post the following challenge, adding the day as you go.

     Day ___ of 7 days,

     Seven black and white photos of your life.

     No photos of people. No explanations.
     Challenge someone different each day.
     I challenge: ____________________

I don't often participate in FB games and challenges, but this seemed like a fun one! I tried to choose pictures representing different moments, memories, or other aspects of my life. Here are the seven photos I chose.

Day 1:

Day 2:

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5:

Day 6:

Day 7:

This challenge made me think a little bit about who I am and how people may see me or not see me. If you've read my blog, you already know I love books, writing, movies, music, art, and family, as well as being a spiritual person. I hope this gives you an interesting look at some other aspects of who I am, even without the descriptions of each photo.

Well, it's time to get on with my day. Though I'm not a fan of all the scary Halloween stuff, I do love costumes, candy, little children knocking at my door, and Charlie Brown! Look for the fun, and have a Happy Halloween!

Voices...

I'm sitting here with my coffee and reflecting on the voices I've been hearing. Yes, they're all in my head! Characters talking, stories begging to be told, imagination running amok! The one thing I didn't spend enough time on over the summer was my writing. Intentions were high, but motivation was at an all time low. I spent a lot of time visiting with my sons, watching Formula One racing on the weekends (a new obsession of mine), sorting through boxes of keepsakes and old photos (I have hundreds), chatting on the phone with friends, sipping coffee, napping, reading... almost anything but writing!

I intended to blog at least once a week. I intended to work on my book. I intended to completely organize and redecorate my home. What is it they say about good intentions? Never mind...

Vintage Sunflower Botanical, compliments of Dawn of The Feathered Nest

Today is a beautiful September day! Time for a fresh start as we head into autumn! Have I told you this is my favorite time of year? Of course I have! It always feels like a time of beginnings to me. Though I'm in, what many might define as, the autumn years of life, it seems appropriate for me to look at this as a time of beginning. I will get serious about my writing. I will read more and take better care of myself. Three things. I can start with three things!

You're wondering why this feels like a time of beginnings to me? I think it has to do with school. New pencils, crayons, paper. New classmates and teachers. Then there were the school clothes and shoes! All new! A clean slate! So we would begin again.

Well, enough for today! The voices are telling me to move on to my other writing. I promise I'll return soon, with more of my ramblings! Joy to each of you!

© 09Sep2016 ajj

Updating Has Begun...

I've considered updating my blog for a long time, but lethargy set in, and I just didn't have the push to do it. With autumn weather really arriving, and thoughts of family and holidays, I began to think about change. There has been a lot of unplanned change in my life over the past several years, but I've neglected to make many of the changes I wanted for myself. I started by reviewing my blog. Step one was to post a more current and honest photo of myself. I feel I haven't aged well, at least not as well as many of my contemporaries.

I always believed my appearance wasn't that important to me, but I discovered I had a little more concern about it than I had realized. My last photo was from about 8 years ago. The new photo you're seeing is from this past June, taken by my husband while we were out at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants.  I look older than I imagine myself, but what stood out for me is how happy I was that day. I was out on a date with my husband, which we don't do very often, and we were having a wonderful time. That's what is most important to life. Not looks, wealth, or other status.  Finding the joy in relationships, enjoying our lives, and loving others! What more could we want?

I've removed some of the pictures, tags, and links from my sidebar. Freshened up the color and text. It's a beginning. Now that I've begun, I feel like there are going to be even more changes coming soon.

Busy Weekend...

After a busy weekend, which involved attending a special church service, a visit from out of town relatives, preparing for an upcoming yard sale, and more, I'm relaxing this afternoon with an old movie, Gaslight. It's a 1944 film starring Ingrid Bergman.  It's about a woman whose husband is trying to slowly drive her mad. It's a favorite of mine. It also stars Charles Boyer, Joseph Cotton, and a very young Angela Lansbury.

There's something about an old black & white classic, a hot cup of coffee, the hint of autumn just around the corner. I feel very content right now.

Farewells...

This week is a farewell to a beloved great uncle. He was 98 years old, lead an amazing life, and was loved and admired by those who knew him. He leaves behind a huge extended family, including a total of 93 grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren. His legacy extended beyond family and into our community. For me personally, he always had a big smile and a twinkle in his eye. I still remember going out fishing on his boat when I was about 9 or 10. I only caught a squawfish (I believe they may be called pikeminnow now) which nobody wanted to eat, but he made a big deal of it, pointing out it's huge size and making me feel so special. Farewell, uncle Arvad, you will be missed.

My sons both start back to classes next week. The youngest will be packing tomorrow in preparation for his move back to campus on Friday. I've enjoyed the summer with both sons home. Seems like it just flew by, and autumn is just around the corner.

Farewell to the ease of summer break, long days, late night conversations, and hello to new schedules, life changes, and my favorite season. Can't wait for the frost, the golden leaves, and the bright orange pumpkins!


© 27Aug2015 ajj

Burning Leaves...

Vintage Autumn Print

November is filled with so many memories. One of my fondest is raking up piles of oak leaves. My sister and I would have fun jumping in the leaves, while grandpa continued to rake under the birch, the crab apple, and the willows, then he would take them, one wheelbarrow load at a time, and roll them out to the burn barrels. I still love the smell of burning leaves during autumn. That aroma is much more rare where I live now, as my little town has grown so large. The fields have been replaced with houses and shopping centers, and there are restrictions on burning in city limits. I may have to toss a couple leaves on the barbecue, and see if the smell still evokes the same feelings.

© 11NOV2014 ajj

Fairies and Imaginings...

The woods are full of fairies;

The sea is full of fish;

The trees are full of golden leaves;

Let's make an autumn wish.

~ Anonymous

Today, I'm thankful for imagination. From my earliest memories, my imagination protected me from some of the harsh realities of my life. It also enabled me to visit exotic locations and have amazing adventures! 

My imagination was, and still is, fueled by books, music, television, and movies. As a young child, books played the largest role. Nancy Drew, Mary Poppins, Lassie, Grimm's Fairy Tales, and a little book published in 1919 called History Stories for Primary Grades. That little history book was where I first read about Joan of Arc, who became one of my heroes. Grimm's Fairy Tales fueled the fantasy side of my daydreams. There were princesses, queens, fairies, and there were children in terrible danger from evil witches or a stepmother.  They managed to somehow overcome and survive the abuse. Imagination helped make me a survivor, and fueled my own creativity.  Spend some time today with your imagination, and delight in the places it can take you!

© 06NOV2014 ajj

November...

This lovely autumn picture is a Jane Berry Hudson illustration.
It was a shared image, courtesy of Bumble Button.

I'm thankful for this beautiful autumn day! November is one of my favorite months of the year, and not just because it's my birth month. It's the beginning of holiday time and brings back so many happy memories! It makes me long to get together with family and friends. There's the coziness of a warm house in contrast to the crisp, fresh air just outside the door. There's the smell of leaves, and sometimes rain. The vibrant colors. The shorter days. Planning for the holidays. I'm loving November!

To Friendship...

I'm sitting here enjoying a snowy episode of Gilmore Girls, eating a Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, sipping a cup of Starbucks Pike Place Roast coffee. And no, I get no compensation for name dropping of major brands. ;)

I'm feeling very blessed. Both sons are home today. They're visiting and video-gaming in the other room. My husband is out getting a haircut and doing some shopping at the mall. I have a large pan of my grandma's Spanish Goulash baking in the oven for later, and the house smells terrific!

I'd been missing two of my closest friends so much. They've just been on my mind. I found out yesterday that DeAnn hasn't been well, but we texted some messages back and forth, and it made her seem closer. In reality, she lives not too far from me, but life seems to be pulling us in different directions, and we just don't get together much any more. We're going to try to fix that, and very soon! We met many years ago when she began dating one of my childhood friends. One of our first nights together, at a church retreat, we spent much of the night talking after all the other ladies had fallen to sleep. Over the years, we've watched our sons grow up, worked on many Harvest Parties for the kids Sunday School classes, had years of Church Camp, dinners out, and game nights! When we're together we're either laughing or breaking out in song, or sometimes both! She is such a dear friend!

Carol lives several hours from me, in north Idaho. We became close because she married my cousin, Paul. They lived in Meridian for several years which is when our friendship really began. We discovered we are "kindred spirits" and have so much in common. It was because of her, I began blogging. We both love books and writing, music, and so much more. We can talk for hours. She has introduced me to so many new ideas. She has a great love for animals and gardening, and she is an excellent cook and hostess. She's an actress in local theatre and has also appeared in a short, independent film. She has a strong Christian faith and has been a constant inspiration to me. I mentioned to my husband, just this morning, how I was missing her. He went out to the mailbox a few minutes later, and there was a card for me! It was from Carol, and on the envelope had a picture of a couple Lab puppies (I love Labs), and "Best Friends" was printed on it. To the side, Carol wrote in "and kindred spirits" which made my heart smile!

I have many other dear, close friends, but won't write about them on this day. If you're reading this, and you are one of those, please know each one of you is precious to me and holds a unique place in my heart.

Here's to friendship!

Ahhh, November...

Thanks to Louise, of Bumble Button, for sharing this image!

I love the month of November for so many reasons.  It's the last bit of autumn, the weather is brisk and wonderful!  It leads into my favorite family holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It also happens to be my birth month.  I never feel so alive as I do in November.  For me, it's a time of new beginnings.

Yesterday, I had a moment of self realization.  It was as if a veil had been removed from my eyes.  I remembered who I was.  It's really difficult to explain depression, especially when I didn't even know I was caught in it.  I've had moments of great joy, but somewhere inside there has been a disconnect.

When I was young, I longed to be a clown.  I even collected clowns.  When you're a clown, you can have a smile for the world, even when you're all broken up inside.  So, I was a "clown" many times, but a day came when I couldn't even pretend to smile for the world, or my family, or my friends.  It cost me, because some people can't bear to see pain in others. They much prefer the clown.  Those who truly love me have stayed in my life.  They are my great Oak trees!  Rooted deep, invested, and there for the long term.  I'm thankful for the great Oaks.  I'm thankful they continued to reach out, sometimes to lift me up by their words or just in their private prayers.  I have felt it, and I survived because of it.  I also survived because of my amazing husband and sons! They made my life worth living, even on the days when I couldn't stop saying "I can't... I just can't... I'm not strong enough..."

Friends help us through the stormy times...
(Thank you to Dawn, of The Feathered Nest, who shared this image.)

I've had other "breakthrough" days. Days when I felt like an overcomer, but it has always been tempered with a touch of doubt.  It's because I know life doesn't just bring joy, it brings sorrow, it brings illness, it brings pain. I've always relied on my faith to carry me through those times, and it surprised me to realize how far I'd fallen into the darkness of depression. I'm not even sure when it began, but I know it has clouded my perceptions for a good, long while.

Yesterday, I felt renewed. I stood in the middle of my home, which has been filled with so much "stuff" I'd saved, for what I do not know.  I knew I needed to do some clearing out and have actually been working on it, donating clothing, books, excess, but I didn't really see how bad it was, how it weighed me down.  I suddenly said, "I can!" and repeated it to myself as I began to open my curtains, and pull up the blinds.  This was both literally and mentally.  I let the sunlight in.  I looked out at the beautiful autumn colors, and I saw them, really saw them.  I felt the possibilities rather than the limitations, and I'm loving November!


© 02Nov2013 ajjahner

October begins...

I don't have a lot to share today, but I'm trying to keep myself writing a bit every few days.  It gets so easy to just let it slide and before I realize it, months have passed without a single word being written.

I was happy to flip all my calendars to October this morning.  My box of autumnal decorations has been found, and I plan to pull some out this afternoon. I have a very pretty banner I won a few years back, during a blog giveaway.  It's one of my favorite things!  I always hang it across the top of a mirror in my entryway.

I'm listening to the old Inspector Morse TV series this morning.  There's something rather comfortable about it.  Maybe it's the accents, the locations, the classical music, or the slower pace of the show, I'm not sure... it just makes me happy!

I'm suddenly longing for a cup of coffee... maybe a mocha, so it's goodbye for today!

Quiet...

My home is very quiet right now.  Paul is camping this weekend with a couple of friends, and the boys are back to their own activities, though they both came over last night to watch the BSU game with me.

Since yesterday, I've done 6 loads of laundry.  Partly because I found boxes with pillow cases, cold weather clothing, etc. I had been storing.  They weren't dirty, but you know how stuff gets musty smelling when it's been packed away for a while.  I was doing some sorting and cleaning, while the washer did it's job, then I got distracted by old photo albums!  I've been looking at the 1995 photos.  My boys turned 9 and 3 that year.  It's also when we moved into this home.  A lot has changed in those 18 years.  I had no idea how very fast the time would go by.

I love the quiet.  I enjoy it even more knowing it won't last long.  I've always been happy doing solitary activities, but I think I enjoy it most when I know someone is just down the hall, or at least nearby.  Well, I'd better take advantage of this quiet time and get some more projects completed.

Here are some Free Images I found a few years back, but I don't remember who provided them. They are titled Peter and Polly in Autumn.  I hope you enjoy them!

Gorgeous Day!

Brrrr, it's 46 outside this morning, and I'm loving it!  This feels like autumn!  I don't know about you, but we are heading into my favorite time of year.  Cold nights, crisp cool days, the changing of nature's colors, holidays to look forward to.  I love it!

Some favorite autumn memories involve leaves; the grand canopies of reds, golds, oranges, and browns; the sounds as the wind moved through them; as a child, tracing the shapes for school art projects or just for fun; the raking, then the jumping into the neat little mountains, and raking again; the smell of burning leaves once the mountains were deposited in our burn barrels.  Since I live in a subdivision burn barrels are not allowed, but I fully intend to "barbecue" a couple of leaves just for the ambiance.  So, while many of my friends grieve the passing of the hot, summer sun, I'm reveling in the pleasures of autumn!

I'll leave you with this image my husband captured last year...

Looking forward...

This is my oldest son's birthday.  It doesn't seem possible 27 years have passed since the day I first held him in my arms and looked at his sweet little face.  He was a blessing to us then and still is!  He brings so much joy and laughter into our lives!

I'm surprised it's been two months since my last post.  What a fun, busy summer it's been.  When I last posted, my family was on our way to the Oregon Coast.  It was amazing!  We were fortunate to grab the last room in Cannon Beach, with an ocean view.  Even with a very rainy first day, it was wonderful to sit with the sliding doors open and just enjoy the sight, and the sound, of the Pacific Ocean.

My list of goals for the summer didn't diminish as much as I'd hoped, but some were accomplished.  I continued to work on scanning photos and documents for my family tree.  I did quite a bit of summer reading, but did not make it through my entire list.  That's ok though.  I just moved them to my autumn/winter reading list!  I also did a bit of writing, though I could use more discipline in that area.

My husband and I finished the dining table we were working on, and I love the way it turned out.  We also repainted our main bathroom, though we still need to update the fixtures in there.  

The summer weight loss goals got sidelined due to a couple health "hiccups" and medication changes.  I continue to work with my doctors to find new ways to keep the MS at bay.  One day at a time.

I plan to get back to regular blogging since summer is winding down, sons are back at their studies, and I've missed the writing.  I'm looking forward to cooler, autumn days, and all they bring... holidays, family gatherings, change... 

© 12Sep2013 ajjahner

Welcome November!

It is an absolutely beautiful November day here!  There are still gorgeous leaves on the trees, lovely days and cold nights.  Perfection! While I enjoy the blessings of such a start to November, my heart goes out to those on the East Coast, who have had such devastation in their lives.  So while I give thanks for my blessings, prayers go out to those who are not as fortunate today.

This is a photo of Camel's Back Park in Boise, Idaho, taken by my husband with his cell phone.

What does November mean to you?  For me, it reminds me of happy family times.  The bounty of harvest; the raking and burning of leaves, after jumping in the piles, of course; the coziness of a fire in a fireplace; practicing for the Christmas piano recitals and Sunday School Programs with my lil sis; Grandma's deep dish apple cobbler; my birthday celebrations, with Mom bringing me a Date Nut Cake from the Royal Restaurant... so good;  Thanksgiving meals complete with Turkey and all the trimmings, football, board games, laughter... family.  November is about family.

Near-Perfect Autumn Day

I'm having a near-perfect day.  It's cold and overcast, but the BSU-Wyoming game is on TV, and both sons are here watching it with me.  Go BSU!  A big roast is in the crock-pot for supper.  A new catalog arrived in the mail.  I am a happy lady today!

Here's a free Halloween image for personal use, compliments of Dover.

Wishing you a near-perfect weekend of your own!