Life Lessons and Reflections...

Life Lesson 1 - Talking about something does not make it happen. This is why I am not a published writer. Too much daydreaming, not enough pen to paper or fingers to laptop.

Life Lesson 2 - Release regret. Beating yourself up over things you've done, or things left undone, is not productive. Make the best of what you've learned. Share that knowledge with others, if it will lift them up. Then step away and move forward.

I've been reflecting on my life's journey. Where I wanted to be, where I thought I was going, and where I've ended up. That can be an overwhelming thing to do. It can bring up feelings of loss and regret, but it can also bring up feelings of wonder.

I recently reconnected a friend after many years, and she asked me if I'd ever published any of the children's books I used to talk about. I was forced to look at why I never achieved that goal. There are multiple reasons, including giving up too easily after rejections, discovering I loved children's literature but feeling I had nothing new to contribute to the genre, and just a general lack of direction and motivation. My first reaction was disappointment in myself. Then I began the process of letting that go.

I am not where I imagined I'd be. Life happened. Marriage, job changes, moves, children, loss. I could go on, but why? Regret is only valuable in the short term. Feel it, see it, learn from it, then drop it like a burning coal before it destroys you, before it leaves irreparable scars. Look at your accomplishments! At all the life well lived! At all the love! I have had some amazing experiences along the way.

It's never too late to learn, to release regrets, to begin again, or to start something brand new. Just writing this down is like taking a deep breath of fresh air. Where will it take me? Who knows. The journey is the thing, moving forward one step at a time and enjoying the delights along the way.

© 09Jul2021 ajjahner

Reflections on Life

The New Year is nearly upon me.  I am always surprised by how fast the old year went by.  My days seem to run together... where did they go? 

My mind travels in strange patterns this time of the year.  I find myself missing those who have journeyed on from this life to the next.  I allow myself to feel regret at what was, what wasn't, and what will never be.  A life not lived to the fullest, feels like a life not lived at all.  Night dreams have been haunting me with hopes just out of reach... roads not taken... and roads I wish I'd never taken.  There is a sorrow in saying goodbye to the past that leaves an ache in my throat and in my heart.  Fighting to hold back tears I sit with it for a time, that burning ache, and then I let it go. 

Memories will revisit me again, but for now I lay the past down.  I gaze toward the future, but it is unclear, hazy, hidden in clouds of uncertainty.  The best thing, the only thing, is to live this day.  This beautiful day full of hope and promise.  When I am in the moment, there is no room for doubt, regret, or fear.  There is just thankfulness for everything I see.  Family, friends, and a beautiful world which, on this morning, is covered in a blanket of freshly fallen snow. 

As I leave you to go make myself a cup of hot tea, I hope you are releasing the old... not fretting over tomorrow... but living this moment, with your whole heart.



Copyright 12/30/2009 ajj

Sleeplessness, Regrets, Faith

Another sleepless night has almost passed. Often during these times, I look back at unfinished ideas, unachieved dreams. There is only sadness in regret, so I try to justify the whys.

• Why didn't I spend more time with my family
• Why did I neglect my friends until it was too late to make a difference
• Why am I the last to know when people are using me... making a fool of me
• Why do I let despair wash over me
• Why are there so many wonderful ideas in my head, but no energy to bring them to life
• Why do the words escape me when my heart knows what I want to say
• Why did I let other peoples opinions of me matter so much
• Why haven't I completed one of my books
• Why are the words piled up in the corners of my mind instead of being put on paper
• Why isn't it enough to just be
• Why can't I let go of the past

Wow! Just think what a total wreck I'd be if I didn't have God in my life. Such soul baring words leave me vulnerable to criticism from people that may not understand. That's ok. I am so much better at taking criticism. Maybe age has mellowed me. All I know is I need to write, I need to create, I want to shout out loud until I can hear myself above all the other voices in my head.

Myself

Imperfect, Vulnerable, Wounded, Failing

Reaching, Praying, Healing, Rising, Soaring

There are no boundaries if I believe in myself

If I believe in God, and I do

Faith sustains me

Copyright 11/13/09 ajj

Sunday Scribblings - Regrets

This weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt: #148 -- Regrets
Got any? Things you wish you'd done differently? Things you wish you'd said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don't end up with regrets?



Regrets. I have too many to mention. Don't we all? I think the most important thing about regret is to learn from it.

Years ago I had a young friend, a cousin. We enjoyed talking about movies and music. Her older sister was married and my younger sister was dating, so we began to hang out together. She was such a kindred heart to mine.

One Wednesday evening, she had dropped by my place for a visit. We shared coffee, made plans to see a movie, listened to record albums, talked about our dreams, and laughed...

As she left my house, and disappeared from view, I had the strangest urge to run after her and give her a hug. I was not a hugger! So I called out, "Where are you going?" She answered, "My car is parked on the side street. I'll see you Friday night!" "Okay," I replied, "See you then." I went back inside trying to shake that strange impulse.

Friday afternoon her life was taken from her. How I wanted that moment back! Just to hug her and tell her what she had meant to me. Such devastating, painful regret! I had never felt anything like it.

In the days and weeks that followed it ate away at me. Then I made a decision... I would not let a day go by without letting the people I loved, know that I loved them. This was very hard for me. I had learned to protect myself by keeping many things inside.

Over time, I became a different person. It became easier to set my insecurities aside and be more giving. I learned to reach out with a hug, a handshake, a smile. This wasn't easy and still isn't some days. I tend to want to withdraw into myself. I learned a hard lesson in one devastating moment of regret, and it has stayed with me.

I like to think, that somehow, she knows she touched my life with her sweet spirit and her laughter.


Copyright January 2009 - ajj