Facing Down the Darkness...

This morning, I was reading April Lee's blog post, thought it would go gracefully, where she explores the emotions of dwelling in a dark place. She asked the question, do you face down your dark side now and then. After thinking about it, the following was my response.

"I entered a psychological "new country" about 18 years ago, with the loss of a brother and a bad medical diagnosis, both for me and later one for my mom. It was hard to push back against the darkness, and many days I failed. For me, it's often a battle to look for those pockets of light rather than just giving in to the darkness. There is always light and hope even when I can't see it. Sometimes I have to force myself out of my emotional blanket fort and allow myself to see all the joy and possibilities that are right in front of me."

Come out of the blanket fort and enjoy the light.
Photo credit: Creative Commons use from Pixabay.com

It felt good to think about where I'd been and the struggles I've had against emotional darkness, and realizing I keep coming back out of it. I'm not saying it's easy, it's a continual process for some of us, but it's worth the effort to come out of the blanket fort, allow my eyes to adjust to the light, and realize how wonderful life is no matter what difficulties have come against me. Retreating from life is fine for a time, it can be healing, but we aren't meant to hide away indefinitely. There is a lot of life to be lived and so much to be grateful for.

© 23AUG2018 ajjahner

Gratitude Lists...

Here is another post I started a few days ago...

All month, friends have been posting their daily gratitude lists. I didn't feel like it. Not because I'm not thankful, but because it felt redundant to me. Of course I'm thankful for my husband, my sons, my home, my life, and it probably does bear repeating and voicing at least once a year, so I can't really explain my hesitance. Maybe I just like bucking the trend. Perhaps I have a streak of stubbornness which resists conforming. Perhaps.

I am thankful for many seemingly unimportant things. I was just reading, Gratitude is Saving Me, by Nanea Hoffman. I follow her Sweatpants and Coffee page on Facebook. It's uplifting. In this article, she writes about what she is grateful for.

"I've always loved walking the beach and looking for smooth bits of glass and interesting shells amid the decaying seaweed and washed-up trash. This is like that. I still do it, almost every day. I comb through the dreck of my day and pick out the shiny bits. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not." ~Nanea Hoffman

My list of little, somewhat weird, things I am grateful, my "shiny bits" goes something like this:

• It's looking in the Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart box, finding it empty, then discovering the one I'd wrapped back up and tucked up on top of the bread box a couple days before, because eating two seemed overindulgent. (Just happened this morning. Joy!)
• The feel of a leaf or pine needles on a tree.
• Discovering a long, forgotten letter inside a favorite book.
• Re-watching The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and remembering what being a child was like, the happy parts. Which also brings back memories of when my boys were little and their world was filled with imagination and wonder.
• Rocks, all kinds. Big, small, rough, smooth. 
• Ribbon, lace, buttons. Pretty little treasures.
• Board games and board game pieces, like the Monopoly race car, dog, and thimble. The Clue wrench and knife, and remembering how my Barbie really loved the candlestick! Chess pieces! Checkers! Dominoes! Dice! Scrabble!
• The feel and smell of books.
• Bookmarks.
• Coffee, with a touch of half and half, on a cold morning.
• The way the sunlight peeks in through the blinds.
• Opening boxes of stored autumn and Christmas decorations.
• The sound of rain.
• The first snowfall.

These are just a few of my little delights. May you each find the little joys to be grateful for on otherwise average days.

© 30Nov2017 ajjahner