Sometimes writing about darkness, releases light back into my life. In the wee hours of this day, I wrote about darkness and depression. After I finished, I finally dropped into a deep sleep about 4 a.m. and woke again at 8. The day feels different. Better. I still need more sleep, so a nap is on my agenda for the afternoon, but spilling all my dark thoughts was therapeutic.
My first impulse, when I woke, was to delete my Dark-thirty piece and the Facebook post where I shared it. I've done that before, but I'm not going to this time. Life isn't always perfect. People have moments of darkness, despair, grief. There are so many people struggling with different levels of mental illness and depression. I believe those struggles shouldn't be hidden. Shine a light into any place of darkness and perhaps it will permanently dispel that darkness. Even if it's not permanent, light for any amount of time is comforting and healing to the spirit and to the soul. It brings release from the darkness. It brings hope.
"... I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16 KJV
© 16Mar2015 ajj
Monday, March 16, 2015
Dark-thirty
As my husband would say, it's dark-thirty, and I'm still up! I've been reading Facebook posts, searching through hundreds of photos, and listening to Adele, who is singing "Love Song" at this moment. "Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel..."
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflection. I'm trying to visualize how to be effective in reaching the goals I've set for myself. I'm filled with ideas! My imagination is endless! The problem is, what to do with all the thoughts in my head, the loud voices, the amazing ideas!
I once thought I'd make a great writer, because of all the stories that live inside me, but I lack the required discipline. I haven't even kept the simple commitment to this blog.
Recently I convinced myself I must be an introvert, because I love being alone with my books, movies, music. I rarely leave my house. I'm at peace being home alone, or just with my immediate family. I used to be the girl who was the first one out the door, who called all my friends to organize a night out, who loved parties and dancing, talking 50 miles a minute, laughing, living. I told someone recently I must be a split intro/exto-vert.
I'm messy inside. A little "dark and twisty" (a phrase borrowed from Grey's Anatomy). Maybe I need to "dance it out" or sing it out. Maybe I should pray it out. It's late, and I just don't know anymore. My son told me he thought I was very depressed. This is while we were laughing over Season 7 of Top Chef, chatting about food choices, the clutter, life... He's right, I know. My home tells the tale. I've gotten lost in it, surrounded by "stuff" I don't love, but don't have the energy to do anything about. So, I'm baring my thoughts with a few of you, my blogger friends, and with the occasional stranger who might stumble through my little grey gardens.
The light of day will wash most of this away, and everything will be ok. Maybe I will get back to work on that book. It might be important, or it might be nothing at all. There's only one way to find out. It must be written.
© 16Mar2015 ajj
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflection. I'm trying to visualize how to be effective in reaching the goals I've set for myself. I'm filled with ideas! My imagination is endless! The problem is, what to do with all the thoughts in my head, the loud voices, the amazing ideas!
 |
| When you're lost, like a child, there are angels to carry you along. Some with magical wings, some with a kind word or a casserole. |
Recently I convinced myself I must be an introvert, because I love being alone with my books, movies, music. I rarely leave my house. I'm at peace being home alone, or just with my immediate family. I used to be the girl who was the first one out the door, who called all my friends to organize a night out, who loved parties and dancing, talking 50 miles a minute, laughing, living. I told someone recently I must be a split intro/exto-vert.
I'm messy inside. A little "dark and twisty" (a phrase borrowed from Grey's Anatomy). Maybe I need to "dance it out" or sing it out. Maybe I should pray it out. It's late, and I just don't know anymore. My son told me he thought I was very depressed. This is while we were laughing over Season 7 of Top Chef, chatting about food choices, the clutter, life... He's right, I know. My home tells the tale. I've gotten lost in it, surrounded by "stuff" I don't love, but don't have the energy to do anything about. So, I'm baring my thoughts with a few of you, my blogger friends, and with the occasional stranger who might stumble through my little grey gardens.
The light of day will wash most of this away, and everything will be ok. Maybe I will get back to work on that book. It might be important, or it might be nothing at all. There's only one way to find out. It must be written.
© 16Mar2015 ajj
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Regrouping...
I've been on an extended break from blogging. It was unplanned, and I'm trying to regroup and begin writing again. There have been a few bumps in the road, nothing major in my immediate family, but very distracting anyway. I will try to stay in touch a little bit better in the coming months.
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