An Unmade Memory...

Since my last post, I've become acutely aware of the passage of time. It sneaks up beside us, races quickly on, and before we know it, life has changed in so many ways.

On the 16th of April, my 49 year old cousin, Kristin, passed away in her sleep. It was shocking. It was too soon. It was heartbreaking. At the memorial service, her little brother looked at me and said something to the effect of "Last time we were together, we promised next time would be for something fun, but here we are..." The most recent event, where many of the cousins had seen each other, was at grandma's memorial service in 2010. Every one of us intended to make more time for one another, but life has a way of interfering with the best of intentions.

It was both wonderful and agonizing to see so many family members. We shared a lot of tears. We shared some moments of joy. Memories permeated the room like strong incense, pleasing yet making it difficult to breath. I'm still finding it hard to breath, as I write this. Oh, for one more moment to chat with Kristin. To see that smile and hear her laughter. I have to be satisfied with knowing she is in the arms of a Heavenly Father, and is with so many who love her, who made the journey before she did. And there is some peace in it, but the peace doesn't erase the wish in my heart, that I had made even a small window of time for one more conversation shared over cup of tea, to have created a moment spent together, however brief. It's the regret of an unmade memory.

Grandma Martha and Kristin...

What we never regret are the times we have spent together. The photo above captured one of those special times. I took this picture of my grandma and my cousin. It was a such happy day. Grandma was thrilled to have some of her grand-kids visiting, and we were enjoying it just as much as she did. Their smiles say it all, and this precious moment lives as a treasured "made" memory.

© 05May2014 ajj

Not Quite Ready...

Six days into December, and I don't have my Christmas tree up!  We can't decide on a natural tree or a new artificial one this year.  If we go artificial, I want a tall, skinny one that will take up less floor space, and I want it to already have lights installed.  Our existing lights are very old, and should be replaced anyway.  My husband looked at artificial trees on sale, but they were sold out of the skinny ones.  I guess we should have started earlier.  Looks like a natural tree may win by default!

Before I go, here are some music videos that I love.  They may help you greet this Christmas season with a little more peace, hope, and joy.

I Heard the Bells

One Holy Night

And... Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel

I Heard the Bells is one of my all-time favorites, One Holy Night is a beautiful original composition, and Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel is so poignant and beautiful, with a gorgeous cello part that I love.  Laurie Roberts is my cousin, and Tammy is her cousin (she feels like mine, though technically she's not). The selections are from an album they made last year.  There are a few more of their songs on Laurie's YouTube page.  Please feel free to share with your friends on your blogs, Facebook pages, or wherever.  Laurie's blog is SingTeachRun, and Tammy's is Forever in First: A First Grade Blog.  I hope you enjoy the music and the blogs.  Blessings my friends!

Cousins...

Today I'm thinking of cousins... and aunts, uncles, grandparents...  Most of my social life growing up was either at school or one of the three-times-a-week church services we attended (plus a Wednesday morning Bible Study and in the 70's, a Saturday night youth service).  The exceptions were the occasional family gatherings.


I loved those family times.  When it was at our home, where sis and I lived with Grandma and Grandpa, it brought additional love and laughter into the house.  Occasionally, it also brought a bit of bickering (a favorite Grandma word... can you kids stop bickering).  I remember one "incident" with cousin Paul (I'm sure it was my turn... lol!), and about a billion with cousin Kent (he loved to tease... right Laur?), and I was always so nice...  Okay, I exaggerate.  Anyone will tell you that!  Then there was Kevin... he was the quieter, fun one who loved making Paul laugh.  David was the baby.  At times, some of the other cousins were there; Diana, Debra, Lisa, Kristen, Karol, Jack, Sally.  Sometimes my brother Tommy or my brother Ronnie or Timmy, Marcus, and little Tammy.  Sweet times.

The thing is, we grew together.  We shared life experiences that are unique to our family.  Like the time my dad showed up drunk, made me cry (he was sharing all his lost dreams and wishes), and got run off the property... not for the first time either.  Or the night Grandma went after the bat!  My memory is her with the broom, Grandpa with a brown paper bag.  She knocked it down in my room, and Grandpa scooped it into the bag and removed it from the house.

Pie... there was always pie.  A fruit pie cooked by Grandma; Rhubarb, Gooseberry, or Apple.  Cream pies made by Aunt Pat; Chocolate, Butterscotch, Yummmm!  The grownups got soda... once in while, the kids got some too!  R. C. Cola or Pepsi!  There was always ice cream or sherbet, or the best of both... Double Delight!  A lovely swirl of vanilla ice cream and orange sherbet!  My favorite, next to Butter Brickle.

I remember sitting by the closed door to the living room, listening to the grown-ups talk about life, God, whatever... and feeling so safe.  Listening to 45's on my little record player.  I remember climbing the Crab Apple tree in the front yard.  Softball, Truth or Dare, Statue, Hide and Seek.  Running, laughing, sharing.  Playing outside long after dark.  Poignant, precious memories of life... of cousins.