WARNING: This is Not a happy post...

I'm trying to remain positive, but having MS is really getting old!  So, if you came here today looking for something cheery... well, you may want to move along, right now, to some happy decorating/cooking/gardening type blog, because I'm getting "beat up" by MS again, and I have to talk about it!

I have been in a downward spiral for some time now.  The pain in my lower back and legs was unresponsive to medications, but now that pain has gone.  Instead, I have lost feeling in the lower back and most of both legs.  My left eye is again swollen, vision blurred, and is being treated with steroid drops.

They (the great "they" of the medical world) are offering me Gilenya.  A disease modifying drug, which also happens to have death, heart problems, loss of vision, compromised immune system, etc., to it's short list of "side effects" and I don't have the time, or the stomach, to read any more...

Pray you say?  Yes, I have done that, and also have many friends and family praying for me.  Awesome!  But, God does not always choose to heal people.  Even really nice folks like me.  I can accept that... sort of.  I do believe He loves and understands me... I never doubt that!

Where to go now?  What to do?  Say "NO" to this drug, and live with the certainty that this disease will continue to tear my brain and my body apart?  Say "Yes" and take the risk of leaving my family way before my time... or going blind, which steals my favorite activities from me.  Choices.  Choices.  I do not like these choices, but after this brief "pity party" I will dry my eyes, put my "happy face" back on, and try to pretend that life would never give us way more than we can handle.  I'll be back soon, hopefully with a big attitude adjustment and a more optimistic view of life.  Till then, be well dear friends!