It's Just One Of Those Days...

PJ and his sister in Chicago, 2010

My sister-in-law, my husband's only sibling, made a long drive to our valley for the weekend.  The plan was to drop a newer engine into PJ's 1952 Chevy.  She was really looking forward to helping with it, and PJ was so happy.  It meant time with his sister and a much better engine for Old Blue!  

PJ's Old Blue 52!

As with many of our plans lately, it is not meant to be.  The Chevy engine was originally build for a 56.  Some brackets were changed between 52 and 56.  It will not fit!  Engine dreams have been crushed.  What to do tomorrow to replace the "main event" of the weekend?  We don't know yet.  I'll post an update after we figure it out. 

About Dad

I had two fathers in my life.  My biological dad, and my grandpa that raised me from the age of 8 years old.  I have posted about both of them previously.   Go to Happy Birthday Dad, to read about my dad and see a couple of photos.  Go to Fathers Day Reflections to read about both, but with a little more focus on my grandpa. 

My Dad... around 1956

What stands out to me as I think about my dad, was his absence.  I remember him telling me how he'd never lived up to his dreams.  How he should have been there for me.  Even as I told him it was ok, I really did agree.  He wasn't there for me.  Whatever drove him to make the life choices he made, it did have the effect of creating a void with his children.  I loved him anyway, but I always wished for more.  He never came to a piano recital, or a school performance.  He missed nearly every birthday.  He was absent.

How do you love a person like that?  I can't tell you, I just did.  I loved him deeply.  I saw myself in him, but I vowed I'd never let my children feel that kind of abandonment.  On the good side, he made me laugh.  I loved hearing him sing.  I treasure every moment I spent with him.  There weren't enough moments, but each brief visit was special to me. 
 
I was privileged to spend more time with him before he died.  He had come back into my life, just not soon enough.  Before long, we found out he had cancer.  Then he was gone.  Memories of my dad are bittersweet, but the sweet outweighs the bitter for me.


© 02FEB2012 ajj

February - It's About Relatives

The February prompt for NaBloPoMo is Relative.  They're also posting a daily prompt on weekdays, weekends are free writing.  If you're interested in the daily prompts, go HERE.  There is no pressure to follow them, the main thing is to just keep writing every day.  The one suggested for today is "mother" and I've written a lot about my two mothers.  If you scroll down to my Labels List, you can select stories to read about both of them.  They are under mom, momma, and grandma.  In fact, I just added them to the labels at the bottom of this post to make it easier.  Did you know you can click on a label, and you go right to the posts on that subject?  It took me a while to figure that out when I first began blogging.

Donnie & big brother Ronnie

 Even before I knew that the prompt was to be Relative, I'd been thinking about family.  A couple days ago, I started pooling photos into a "Siblings" album.  I have quite a few siblings.  My lil sis and I share the same mother and father, but there were also half brothers, half sisters, step brothers and a step sister.  Two half brothers are no longer with us.  Donnie was the baby.  He passed on very young from Leukemia.  I have such strong memories of those last days with him.  He didn't live with us, but when he became so ill, Dad brought the boys over more often.  I remember the bruises on his little arms.  I asked grandma why he had so many and heard the word "transfusions" for the first time.  He was so sweet, and his journey in this life was too short.  I imagined arms of ancestors wide open, waiting for him.  I did wonder if I'd prayed harder, would God have let him stay.  I was ten years old.

My brother Tommy also left this life before I was ready.  I've written about him several times before.  The labels are Tom, Tommy, and Brother.  I still miss him.  Some days it hurts to think about him.  Most days I have peace because I believe he is with others I love, just out of sight, in that spiritual world we cannot see with our human eyes.

Our siblings play such important parts in our lives.  They are pieces of the puzzle that make us who we are.  I love every one of mine and am thankful my life was blessed with them.

© 01FEB2012 ajj