Thursday, February 2, 2012

About Dad

I had two fathers in my life.  My biological dad, and my grandpa that raised me from the age of 8 years old.  I have posted about both of them previously.   Go to Happy Birthday Dad, to read about my dad and see a couple of photos.  Go to Fathers Day Reflections to read about both, but with a little more focus on my grandpa. 

My Dad... around 1956
What stands out to me as I think about my dad, was his absence.  I remember him telling me how he'd never lived up to his dreams.  How he should have been there for me.  Even as I told him it was ok, I really did agree.  He wasn't there for me.  Whatever drove him to make the life choices he made, it did have the effect of creating a void with his children.  I loved him anyway, but I always wished for more.  He never came to a piano recital, or a school performance.  He missed nearly every birthday.  He was absent.

How do you love a person like that?  I can't tell you, I just did.  I loved him deeply.  I saw myself in him, but I vowed I'd never let my children feel that kind of abandonment.  On the good side, he made me laugh.  I loved hearing him sing.  I treasure every moment I spent with him.  There weren't enough moments, but each brief visit was special to me. 
I was privileged to spend more time with him before he died.  He had come back into my life, just not soon enough.  Before long, we found out he had cancer.  Then he was gone.  Memories of my dad are bittersweet, but the sweet outweighs the bitter for me.

© 02FEB2012 ajj


Donna said...

Oh Nita....(((((HUG)))))

Nita Jo said...

Thanks Donna... I needed that hug!