New People...

The BlogHer Prompt for today:

"Do you like meeting new people, or do you prefer to hangout with people you already know?"

This is a tough one for me. Although I enjoy meeting new people, I always have a bit of social anxiety about it. I'm also very reluctant to integrate new people into my world. I suppose it is a result of being burned a few times in the past.

I'm the person who can chat with strangers in the supermarket, the park, a restaurant, etc., but who freezes up when being introduced to a new person at church or in the neighborhood. What is that? I know I worry about what to say, but I often end up rambling nonsensically about anything and everything, all the while wondering if they like me. I have to work at focusing on them, on what they are interested in, and less about what they are thinking of me. I'm somehow always trying to fit in, instead of realizing I do have something to offer in the way of friendship. Once I can relax and let go of my insecurities, I nearly always end up enjoying the company of someone new.

At the core, I will always prefer to hangout with people I already know. Friends and family. My comfort zone. I already know what the expectations are. These people have seen my flaws and failings, and have stayed in my life anyway! They're part of my framework, my foundation, my society. It doesn't mean I don't make room for new friends, I'm just very selective, even cautious, about who I open up to.

The irony of this, is how comfortable I am with blogging, knowing strangers may be reading my words and judging them. I always hope what I write will resonate with others, either striking a common cord or introducing a new way of looking at something, but I don't have the same reticence as I do in meeting people face to face.

Learning to set my insecurities aside is a continuing process. I am getting better at it, but may never be completely free from those feelings, and I'm ok with that.

© 18Jul2016 ajj