Whether To... Or Not...

I made an uncomfortable choice yesterday, which I completely regret.  Watching my morning news program, I heard a very loud "boom" that rattled my front door.  Making my front door, or even my house rattle, is a thing even a loud car stereo can do.  I assumed it was kids hitting the front of my house with something.  That is an occasional occurrence, since the bus stop is on our corner.  I'd forgotten it was spring break.

I went to the front door, opened it, and looked out.  Nothing.  Oh well.  I walked into the front room and began opening my curtains, that's when I saw them.  I could see two Police vehicles blocking my street and two further north.  Then I realized all the activity was just south of my home, across the street.  I could see at least three more cars, and men in Police vests on a neighbors front porch.  I phoned a neighbor directly across the street from me and asked if she knew what had happened, and if she'd heard the "boom".  She had.  She thought it had been a sonic boom until she spotted the police.  She had trouble getting her little dog calmed down, so we could talk.

Some time passed, the mail came and they were still out there.  The street was no longer blocked and it didn't look threatening, so I went out to get my mail.  My neighbor came out and chatted a minute.  Worry and curiosity were probably the main things we were feeling.  Not knowing if someone was hurt inside or what the noise had been.   About that time, I decided to contact a family member, who works for a local news station, to see if he had heard anything.  He hadn't.  Before long, I was asked if I would send a photo.  I waited a bit, then reluctantly walked out and snapped two photos.  I can tell you I felt like some kind of snoop, a Mrs. Kravitz.  I never did send the photos.

As I walked back up my drive, the news van pulled around the corner and waved me down.  They wanted an interview and I declined.  I used conflict of interest... family member employed with you... they jokingly offered to fire him and laughed.  They asked again, and I reluctantly agreed.  When asked what my worst concern about this event was, I stated "That one of my neighbors is hurt or worse."  That didn't make it on air, just a brief statement about the noise, which was fine except for this terrible feeling I can't shake.  My neighbors were having, perhaps, one of their worst days.  I was chatting to a news anchor about it.  It just felt wrong.

I believe in the value of news coverage, but I'm thinking if I had to do it again, I would probably just close the curtains and check with my neighbors after the fact.  I am definitely not cut out for a job in news or as any kind of detective, no matter how much I enjoy a good mystery novel.  The reality is, no matter what was happening, it was happening to people, to my neighbors.  Neighbors I don't know well, but who I care about because they are part of my little community, my world. 


© 30MAR2012 aj

#312 Sunday Scribblings - The Rest of the Story

I've been doing a challenge called Sunday Scribblings for a while.  If you click on the name, it will take you to the prompt list.  You can also read what other writer's have done.

This week's prompt, The Rest of the Story, inspired me to go back to a story from an earlier challenge.  That prompt was When Pigs Fly.  I'd often wanted to revisit Cassie and Joe, so this is the rest of their story.  If you want to read the beginning, go HERE.

The Rest of Their Story

Sitting on the porch, sun setting in the distance, Cassie thought back to a long ago, starry night. She had been so young when Joe had proposed to her. She could never have imagined the road that night would take her on.

Daddy had agreed to the marriage, so at 17 and 21, Cassie and Joe had started their lives together. There had been obstacles along the way. Finances were never good. Joe's job at the Quicky Lube never paid enough. He worked long hours, and the bills just kept coming. Cassie worked, cleaning houses for other people, while her babies were with their Gram and Grandad. Her dreams of going to back school had been set aside with the arrival of the first baby. Three more followed in quick succession. Her days were spent scrubbing, polishing, sweeping, her nights spent cooking, cleaning, washing. There was little time for just sitting and holding the babies, even less for fun or romance.

Joe became more and more distant as the bills piled up. Cassie loved him with a depth she couldn't put into words. She'd wanted to take away some of the pressure, the frustrations, but she had felt so helpless. All she could do was keep working hard, and raise their little ones.

The years kept moving on. So many changes had come into their lives. Joe had finally managed to open his own body shop, with an inheritance from his parents, and it was a success. He had a way with people, and they appreciated his honesty and work ethic. Once the children were in school, Cassie had been able to take some classes at the community college. She learned the accounting end of the business and kept the office running efficiently. She had also started doing some photography for fun and found she had an eye for it, so she sold art prints and did some private sittings on the side.

As she sat reminiscing about their lives, she had to laugh at the youthful hopes, the optimism. That was the beginning of a long journey. Of life. If she and Joe had known about all the hard work it would take to keep a marriage together, to make a life, would they have jumped in? Definitely. Dreams are started with youthful wishes, but they are built on hard work, perseverance, and love.

The screen door opened. Joe walked out, handed her a cup of coffee, and bent down for a quick, sweet kiss. They sat side by side, in the rockers that had belonged to Joe's parents, looking out into the darkness. It was another beautiful starry night, and this was their dream, their pie in the sky.

  © 25MAR2012 aj

Happy Birthday Mom...

Dad & Mom. A bit worn, but a favorite of hers.

Another "whether" or not decision (see the NaBloPoMo link on my sidebar).  Today is my mom's birthday.  She would have been 74 this year, but passed away at 65.  In June, she will have been gone 9 years.  That's so hard to believe.  It took a long time for me to come to terms with her loss.  Longer than some thought was healthy, but my processing of change tends to be slow.  I've talked a lot about how her life and her loss impacted me, so the decision was whether to talk about it again.

Obviously, I decided to do it.  Those of you who have lost a parent will understand.  They remain imprinted into our psyche, whether they are present in this life or have moved on into the next.  Lessons learned, laughter shared, a look, a touch, just their "being" is missed.  It doesn't mean I don't have faith in where she is at.  My beliefs tell me she is in heaven, with those who traveled there before she arrived and since, but my heart wishes I could call her on the phone for a chat, or go to a yard sale with her.  Here's an earlier post I wanted to share with you today.  In it, I explain why I began writing my blog.

 Two Years Of Blogging

I wrote it on my two-year anniversary of blogging.  Tomorrow I will celebrate four years!  Blogging has been a wonderful experience for me.  A place to share my laughter and my tears.  A community of like-minded folks, as well as some who are so very different from me, and I've loved it all.  I look forward to continuing this interesting journey with each of you.

 © 22MAR2012 aj

This moved me...

I was deciding whether to blog today or not, then I read this beautiful post.  It's written by Julia, of The Four of Us.  It's about how forgiveness, and what it can do... I don't want to try and tell you, just please go... read it.  It's beautiful.  Click this link:

The Four of Us:  Forgiveness

Live Well...

I am overwhelmed with emotions today.  It's snowing on this first day of spring.  My heart is still sad over the loss of my father-in-law, and all that we will never get to share with him.  We were waiting to have a graduation celebration, for my youngest, until spring.  He received his High School Diploma last autumn, but we wanted the weather to be nice so his grandpa might be able to come.

My father-in-law always wanted his grandsons to go to college.  My youngest received confirmation he was accepted into college two days after his grandpa's passing.  My oldest son had decided to return to college in the fall and was working on the paperwork.  We never got the chance to share any of this with their grandpa.  He would be so proud.

When loss comes, there are always things left unsaid, undone.  We move through the stages of loss and acceptance, and ultimately realize it wouldn't matter when the loss occurred.  We will always have more we wanted to share with those we loved.

The best tribute we can give is to live our lives fully, completely.  Just get out there.  Accomplish our dreams.  Live well.  Appreciate life, and love every day we are given.

 © 20MAR2012 aj

A Sweet and Sad Farewell...

Today was the funeral service for my father-in-law.  This was such a difficult day, especially for my husband, his sister, and my sons.  He was a WWII Veteran, so has been buried at the Idaho State Veterans Cemetery.  It was pouring rain, but we got a brief reprieve right about the time we needed the casket moved to the Committal Pavilion, a covered area where the service was held.

As we drove up the hill toward the Pavilion, I saw the soldiers standing at attention.  That meant so much to us.  I had never been to a military funeral and didn't know what to expect.  It does go very quickly, because they have services every hour.  It's handled with dignity, precision, and respect, from the moment you arrive until Taps is played.

My husband and sons were pallbearers.  Even though it's just a short movement of the casket, from vehicle to a transport cart, I was so proud to see my boys do this for their grandpa, and my husband for his dad.  One final act of love and respect for their grandpa, and of my husband for his father.  It's heartbreaking to say farewell, but we believe he was welcomed home by those he loved, those who had made the journey before him.  We will miss him.

I'll be absent for a bit...

My father-in-law passed away earlier today.  I may share about him another day, but today is too soon.  I'll just leave you with a couple of favorite photos...

Fishing with Grandpa PJ

With Grandpa PJ at the Oregon Trail Interpretive Center - 1998

Our Lucky 13, EJ with Grandpa PJ

MJ and Grandpa

We have some beautiful memories... We'll miss him so much...

Real Life or Dreams...

I haven't been using the NaBloPoMo daily prompts this week.  I just didn't have the time, or the focus, to keep at it.  I decided to go back and try a couple that I'd missed.  Today I've chosen the prompt for Thursday.  Would you rather have a video copy of your dreams or a datebook that contains the events of every day of your life?

This is a difficult choice.  I find my memory is not what it used to be, so the idea of a datebook filled with all the events of my life is a tempting one.  Family, holidays, friends, so many wonderful things, but to be honest, a whole lot of boring.  Day after day, getting up, getting dressed, going to school, to work, wherever, doing dishes or laundry, filling the car with gas, balancing the checkbook.  You see where this is going. 

My dreams, on the other hand, have been filled with adventure, premonitions, family, friends, strangers.  I've traveled to unknown cities, and I've been in the mountains.  Swam underwater, something I'd never do in real life.  Faced monsters and fears, been in terrible accidents, been killed, but lived to tell about it, because it was a dream.  I generally dream in full technicolor, though a couple of times in black and white when I was young. 

For me, the choice is easy.  I'd choose the video of my dreams.  That would provide hours of entertainment and adventure, and I'd love to see those forgotten details.  You know, the ones you can't quite remember when you wake up, no matter how hard you try.  Yes, for me, it's the dreams!

© 10MAR2012 aj

This, That, and The Other

Why I've been absent...
My writing for NaBloPoMo is lagging this month.  It's not for lack of desire, but due to family circumstances.  My dad-in-law is still in serious condition, and our hearts and minds are consumed with it all.  The uncertainly of it falls into the category Whether, as decisions are made regarding his care.  I appreciate those of you who continue to remember him in your prayers.

Now on to the writing... 
I just read a post about the love of writing, and how to get started.
Here is my new favorite quote... 

"It begins with words." 

Christy Woolum

Christy writes about how she gets her students started writing.  I'm not going to share her secrets.  I am just going to encourage you to read her post at Learning By Heart.

On to other things...

I recently blogged about an amazing giveaway, hosted by Debra at Common Ground.  It was for a gift certificate to the Etsy Shop English Transferware.  This shop is run by Nancy of Nancy's Daily Dish.  I won the giveaway!  If you're not familiar with transferware, here is a photo with some examples:

This image is owned by Nancy, of Nancy's Daily Dish.

There are so many beautiful pieces of transferware, that I'm having a difficult time making a decision.  If you haven't visited Debra or Nancy, take a few minutes to have a look at their beautiful blogs.  You won't be sorry.

And Other Stuff...

Earlier this month, I was given a blog award by Andrea of From the Sol.  I had decided to make my blog Award Free recently, but I'm making an exception because I thought the questions and random facts were fun!  Andrea is a new blogger, and I am really enjoying From The Sol.  I want to encourage all of my friends to visit her!  She has some beautiful photography and is such a warm, friendly person.  Here is the award information:

 The Rules:
1. Thank & link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Answer the form questions below.
3. Share ten random facts / thoughts about yourself.
4. Nominate (at least) 7 other blogs for the Kreativ Blogger Award.


I want to sincerely thank Andrea of From the Sol for honoring me with this award.  Andrea, it is a joy getting to know you, and I'm so happy you have become one of my blogging friends!


My Answers to the Questions...

1. Favorite Song: I can't say I have one favorite. I love all kinds of music. A few favorites... Amazing Grace, Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Eva Cassidy), Dream (Priscilla Ahn), Both Sides Now, Forever Young... there are just too many to list.
2. Favorite Dessert: Gooseberry Pie... followed very closely by Rhubarb Pie and Cheesecake!
3. What Ticks Me Off: Liars! I hate deceit.
4. If I am upset: I find it best to retreat to a quiet place until I feel calm... I did say that was best, sometimes I just cry all over the place. I do try to keep the crying and moaning to a minimum. Lol!
5. Favorite Pet: I have loved many, but my favorite cat was Tomasina, a beautiful Calico I had while growing up. She was so gentle. She let me dress her in doll clothes and carry her around. She brought me field mice she'd caught... ewwwie! She “talked” to me, and I loved her!
6. Black or White: If referring to clothing, I generally lean more toward black. In décor, I like a bit of both, with lots of other accent colors.
7. Biggest Fear: That my husband or my boys will be hurt. That my MS disability will get so bad, that I become only a burden to my family.
8. Everyday Attitude: It changes like the weather. I do have the ability to bounce back from hard times, and I have faith that things happen for a reason. I believe that all people have some good in them, even when it isn't always visible.
9. What is perfection: Life, with all it's uncertainty.
10. Guilty Pleasures: Chocolate, Coffee, A good book, or movie, Pinterest, FaceBook's Words with Friends, and blogging... when I should be cleaning.

Here are my 10 Random Facts... and they are really random...

1. I love my family. My husband is my best friend. My sons are amazing, kind human beings. I am very blessed!
2. I'm a writer. That's not an easy thing for me to say. I've often put too many rules and/or restrictions on myself... not good enough, not educated enough, not published. I write because it's part of who I am. I need to write, whether anyone else ever reads it or not. I am a writer.
3. Music is part of me. I can't imagine a world without beautiful music.
4. I am a very spiritual person, and I believe in premonitions, intuition, second sight... whatever you want to call it.
5. I both love and fear animals.
6. I'm funny when I don't mean to be, and if I try to tell a joke, it falls flat.
7. An organized house is my dream, but I seem to lack the necessary skills or concentration to make it happen.
8. I'm fascinated by family history.
9. I worry about offending people... maybe that stems from a need to be liked.
10. Making a list like this is hard, because I worry that I've put the wrong answers, left something out, said too much, offended someone, sounded lame/stupid/delusional/or any of a million other things that are just wrong. Oh, did I mention, I obsess too much?

I had a difficult time deciding who to give this award to.  There are so many blogs I love and read on a regular basis.  Here are 7 that I know you will enjoy visiting.  I will just say, I won't be hurt... not even a tiny bit, if any of you choose not to participate.  I know many blogs have chosen to be award free, as I have... with this exception.  So, that said, I would love to pass this award on to... in alphabetical order:

Carol at Silver Valley Stories
Christy at Learning by Heart
Donna at Cottage Days and Journeys
Donna at Made in Heaven
Gail at Shabby Cottage Studio
Lana at Honeysuckle Lane
Mary at Scottish Nanna








I want to wish each of you a beautiful day!

Searching...

Below is a short piece of fiction for this weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt, Search.  It also falls under the March NaBloPoMo theme of Whether, and Friday's prompt, Uncertainty.


Her eyes scanned the crowd, searching for his face.  The uncertainty clutched at her heart.  Ten years was such a long time.  Would it feel ok, would it be anything like before?

She struggled to remember what had broken in their relationship.  It was a lot of little things that chipped away at the foundation, until it all crumbled.  Walking away had been easy.  Living without him had been hard.  The day she was online, and received his "friend" request, her heart had jumped inside her.  It had been hard to breath.  He lived clear across the country now, but as they began to reconnect over the net, it felt like the magic was still alive.  It had been a year.  Now the face to face they had planned was here, and doubts were making her head spin.

Passengers were streaming through the security gates, then she saw him.  Eyes locked, then smiles.  They moved toward each other, side stepping everyone in between.  Arms wide, they embraced, locked together for a moment.  Then he held her at arms length, just looking, eyes smiling.  She didn't know how this would end, but she did know that her heart hadn't felt this light in a very long time.


© 04MAR2012 aj