Early Mother's Day...

I had a lovely day. Drove into the city with my husband and ordered new glasses, had brunch at the Black Bear, and did some shopping at the mall. I joked with him about giving me an early Mother's Day gift.

We got home, he disappeared for a while, and brought me a little package. When I opened it there was this...

It's a little pink newborn onesie. I dissolved into tears...

Recently, I learned of a woman who created a memorial stone for the baby she had miscarried. I mentioned it to my husband, because I lost a child through miscarriage many years ago. I knew she was a girl, and we had the name picked out. It was a sad time, but we were blessed just a short time later with our second son, so I have never had a moment of regret for the way things worked out. We were meant to have our EJ! He's been such a blessing and joy in our lives! Even so, I still remember the little one who didn't get to stay with us. I often think about a day when I may meet her again.

My husband remembered our conversation. He had the onesie special ordered, so I'd have something soft and tiny to hold in remembrance of her. Though I could never forget Rachel Leah, it's sweet to have something tangible to hold in my hands. This story tells you all you need to know about the guy I'm married to. He has such a tender, loving heart! I'm blessed to have found him, blessed to be the mother of our two sons, and of the daughter we'll see again one day.

A Few of My Favorite Things...

The previous post was looking at a dark, scary part of life. Today I wanted to think of things which make me smile. Here are a few to begin with.
Angels... Butterflys... Columbines... Doilies... Echos... Fairies... Grandmothers... Hands... Imagination... Jam... Kites... Lilacs... Mysteries... Novels... October... Poetry... Quilts... Roses... Stars... Trees... Umbrellas... Violets... Windows... XXX's... Yarn... Zebras...
This is my alphabetical favorites list for today. There are so many little things in life to enjoy. Things to lift the spirit, to smile about. It's worth taking a moment each day to look for them.

Silent Scream...

You can't hear it, but if you're paying close attention, it's palpable.
It reverberates down the cluttered hallway into the darkness.
It seeps under the closed, locked door, rising to the ceiling.
Looking for escape. For light. For air.
There is no music, only the sharp pitch growing, filling any open space.
Until inside, there is only one sound. Silence.

© 26Apr2016 ajj



Note: This is a work in progress, based on a battle with mental illness. Sometimes we can't hear those around us, even though they are screaming inside themselves, until it's too late.

Feelings...

I don't even know what I want to write about. My mind is so wrapped up in things I must do, I'm not finding time for things I dream of doing. While I sit here typing, I'm listening to an episode of The Voice from a few nights ago. There are some amazing singers this season. They're singing some of my old favorites, opening up emotions I haven't felt in a long while.

There's nothing like music to take you swiftly back in time. It's 1977. I can almost feel the hot summer air, smell the fresh cut grass and the fading roses. Life seemed like it stretched before me in a beautiful, endless road. While the road looks different to me, all these years later, it's still filled with beauty.


© 13Apr2016 ajj

Photographs and Memories...

For the past few days, I've been going through multiple albums and boxes of photographs in preparation for EJ's upcoming graduation. So many memories have washed over me. It's been a roller coaster of tears and laughter.

If you've read my blog, you already know I've become an avid seeker for my distant ancestors. Looking through our family photos reminded me, I need to be documenting my more recent family members so the work will already be done. For the photos I've already scanned into my computer, I'm labeling them with names, location, and dates. Any interesting story, to go along with a photo, will be typed into a separate document. I'm guessing I have enough work ahead of me to keep me busy for the next couple years, if not more!

One special little project I want to do, is to create a photo journal of mom's home decor. She took a lot of snapshots of redecorated rooms, dining tables set for holidays, etc. Mom had an eye for design. She loved shopping thrift stores, flea markets, and yard sales. She was doing DIY before it became a thing. She knew how to reuse and repurpose. She loved the search, and she loved change. A good lesson for me. See things with new eyes. Embrace change.

As I move forward, I'm reminded I need to treasure the past, but not forget to cherish each new day and the people who are part of my days.


© 12Apr2016 ajj

Beautiful Day...

It has been a lovely Saturday. I spent some time chatting with my oldest son about school, movies, life, etc. I edited photos for my youngest son's upcoming college graduation. Laundry is finished and put away. Checked Facebook, but nothing too interesting there. Read a couple chapters in the current novel I'm reading. Now here I am, following through on writing a few words each day.

Yesterday, I discovered we have ducks nesting in the front flower bed again. Oh dear! I was hoping they would find a less "high traffic" place to do this. The road behind us, which they have to cross with their ducklings, is now four lanes instead of two. I don't even want to think about it...

Last evening, my oldest son had his dad and me watch the most recent Star Wars movie. It was so good! It took me back to when I saw the original back in 1977! Action, humor, surprises! I was shocked at the loss of one of my favorites, but I will refrain from naming them. I'm sure I'm not the only one who hadn't seen this movie yet, and I'd hate to post a spoiler. For me, the Star Wars magic was finally back, and I'm looking forward to seeing what else they may have in store for us!

Oops... It's Poetry Month...

First of all, how did April get here so fast? I was going to have some new poems written, or have some favorite poems and poets picked out, to grace my blog for the month. Did not get any of it done. I'll try to get some up by first of next week.

My mind is swirling with all the things I need to accomplish in the next 6 weeks. My youngest, EJ, is graduating from college! I didn't even think to get a formal photo done. I really stink at these kinds of things. He didn't think of it either... nut...tree... you get it, so he took a selfie for the college yearbook photo. That's how we roll! Haha!

I'm trying to pull together a plan for celebrating this wonderful milestone in his life, choose the venue, get announcements quickly ordered, and figure out how to make myself look at least 40 lbs. slimmer for the expected family photos... just a tiny miracle or two will be needed to pull it all off! Thankfully, EJ is a very laid back fellow and really doesn't want a big party. Something simple, with only the closest friends and family. It still raises my anxiety a bit, but in a good way. I'm really looking forward to this next step in his life's journey!

Write Something...

I've been telling myself to write something. Anything at all. I need the discipline of forcing myself to write when I'm not feeling inspired, because those moments of inspiration don't come along all that often.

Working on the craft of writing is the thing I haven't done well. I have a head filled with great stories and ideas which may never make it to paper or print due to a lack of discipline. I'm also feeling my age. Some will say it's past time to do this or that. I'm standing on the belief, it's never too late to begin again, or even start something brand new! I feel lighter inside at the possibilities still out there!

© 04Apr2016 ajj

Favorite Things...

A few of my favorite things...

• Flowers, especially hyacinths, tulips, lilacs
• Mystery books and programs
• Music of all kinds
• Magazines like Victoria, Better Homes and Gardens, Country Living
• Pretty, vintage linens, lace, and doilies
• Old family photographs
• Playing games like Scrabble, Dominoes, and Trivial Pursuit
• Vintage dolls and toys

These things, and many more, make me happy. It feels good to think of simple pleasures and set aside thoughts of the craziness going on in the world around me. I am choosing to seek for what brings me happiness and joy. I know there will be dark days and some things I may have to think about and deal with, but when possible, I will be looking for the bright moments. The simple joys in life.